Judge — May 19, 1923 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE pays #10 weekly for the beat story sub- ed for thie page, and $5 for the d best 2.” Original, un pub- 4d- 2 to Tell Editor,” Judge, id Street, New York Cit Firat Prize Amoz Jounxson of the aptist. church had powerful sermon, stating positiv there would be no white people in heaven. Rey. Jesse Wise of the First Baptist church (white) had heard of it through his gardener, and meeting the colored “Brother Johnson, you don’t re: believe that, do you?” “I does, sah! “But I should like to have your proof, Brother Johnson. Where did you get your authority for such a statement?” “Bruthuh Wise, I gets mah proof fom de Bible, fo’ in de twenty-fifth chapter ob St. Matthew an’ de thirty- third verse it says de Lord will set de sheep on his right hand, an’ de goats he sends away to evehlastin’ punishment.” “Yes, but the sh said the pastor of the white flock, “how do you m Second Prize Jou Brown, a very rascally young- ster, one afternoon, when his mother was entertaining callers, found his way into the bathroom, and to amuse himself, turned on the water in the bathtub. Mrs. Brown, upon hearing the noise, immediately mounted the stairs and when she appeared at the room in ques- tion found the bathtub — overflowing with water. She reprimanded him for his action, “Johnny, didn’t a little voice 1 tell you that you were doing wrong “Yes, mother,” replied Johnny, “but the water made so much noise I couldn't hear it.” tae OY ome women nowada i ygist in the the Go ake too light a view of marriage. While in the West, last summer, I was induced to lecture to a summer school. During the course of this lecture I chanced to remark: ““The ostrich sees very little; on the other hand it digest ‘ything.’ “Whereupon a girl on the front bench exclaimed, sotto voce, to her neighbor: ‘Gee! What an ideal husband an ostrich 99 must make! * remarks employ of La three-year-old Dorothy had a fight with her bigger sister Hazel, who was six years old. Dorothy, who was notable for her pugilistie prowess, had scratched the whole of Hazel’s face. Hazel set up a big howling and went and told both her mother and father. Just then the dinner bell rang. As they sat taking the first course, which was soup, the father and mother were talking seriously about Dorothy’s fighting nature, but Dorothy drank) her soup quite unconcernedly The father Dorothy, then said: shall we do with Dorothy But before the mother could reply, Dorothy looked at her father and said: “Daddy, let’s keep me.” Canad toward over E what ther, Ne of the players on a league baseball team, accustomed to sliding into the bags, when attempting to steal ba was satisfied with the umpi mon him, no matter how just was the ruling. A member of an opposing team was commenting on this trait to a fellow player. “Oh!” remarked the latter, “he believes that ‘a man may be down, but he is never out.” LARK, a shiftless farmer, on being asked by the judge if there was any son why he should not serve, re- Yes, your Honor. I left both my nd baby in bed and do not know which one will die first.” He was ex- cused by the court. A few hours later, as the judge was going to lunch, he met Clark in a more or less intoxicated condition, “Why haven't you gone home with a doctor?” The judge was angered by the man’s neglect to his family “But there is no one sick at my house. You see I left home before daylight this morning. My wife and baby were still asleep, and sure, your honor, I cannot tell which one will die first.” tot AMERY traveler applied for a night’s ging. He was told that he could ha if he was willing to sleep in a haunted room. The man being tired accepted. Before retiring he placed a revolver under his pillow. He awoke at dawn and to his horror saw two hands at the foot of his bed. He took his revolver and fired twice. And to his horror shot both his feet. 22 DIAG TelTMIG RB.FUU ike Tommy—Before ye begin, I wanta warn ye that I play ona football team, an’ I kin kick darn hard! 15 comichooks.