Judge — May 12, 1923 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUST BETWEEN OURSELVES T ISN’T OFTEN that JupGe publishes letters that are written in strictest confidence. That is proven by the fact that the hot- dog William Allen White letters have never been released for pub- lication, in spite of the insistent clamor of the pre: But here’s a letter that JupbGE just can’t keep to himself. Read it; then judge for yourself. Darien, Connecticut, May 8, 1923 Dear JunGe: I think it’s only fair that JupGe should know where I stand with regard to certain matters. Humor is a darned serious thing, and stat nts le in jest are frequently followed by the line “flowers omitted by request.” So I'm going to come right out in the open and let you know the worst I'm American through and through, (100 plus, father having been born in Mount- mellick, Ireland, and my mother's family having also come from Erin. So that when my children have grandsons the Roches will have lived four generations in the United States, long enough; perhaps even too long. Let the public decid So, being the Yank I am, I'm against foreigners. To hell with everybody except good Americans and the French. For I have a little French blood in my veins. Nor have Lany religious prejudice. I stand with both feet for every church that preaches Christianity and as soon as I hear of one that does I'll join it. Politically, I'm sound, safe and sane. sry time there's an election, I play golf. Socially, I'm a climber. [like rich people, and the richer the the more I like them. People can’t come too rich for me. I have more real, clean American pleasure in reading Who's Who and the Social Register than you can imagini Morally, I'm out-moded. I live with my wife and I love her. I haven't even one single, solitary, slim little mistress. Not a single one. Not one red-headed little doll to call me Daddy and sell my love letters to the papers. Not one. All applicants please send nd measurements. Physically, I'm a handsome, though sad-faced raseal. Why am I sad? Read the para- graph above. »metimes I think that I need a Freudian analysis, but what would be the use? Mrs. Roche wouldn't let me. Intellectually, Iam a giant. I always take my partner out of a no-trump if I have five to an honor in a major suit. . My recreations are simple: golf, rand roulette. When I left Monte Carlo last month the Prince urged me to stay. I'd paid his coronation expenses and as he put it, “Who'll pay my birthday celebration if you leave, Mr. Roche? I do not drink. I quit eleven years ago. Friends pleaded with me. “There'll be none left for the next generation, Arthur,” they told me. And with that impulsive generosity eristic of me, I stopped. I always think of the other fellow, and have been known ll even when holding four kings, when I had reason to suspect the aces were out inst me. I'm progressive. I used to like blonds; now I prefer brunettes. ulthough I don’t think it goes far enough. The Klan of the population, but why stop there -, fond of my friends and simply mad about their wives. ly when ne one is presenting a real thoughtful drama, with a couple of beds in it an appreciate art, and how can you have art if you ignore the facts of life, and the more beds the more facts. Of course, I'm not an artist myself, because I never wrote a dirty line in my life, but I know what it is to be all dressed up with no place to go, and I may make Mr. Sumner happy yet And that, Jupce, will be all till next week when I'll tell the truth. Yours sincerely, Artuur Somers Rocne. And that, dear reader, is the first whispered word that JupGE has discovered a new greal American humorist and philosopher. You've read his letter, very soon we'll let you see his picture. In the mean- time, next week in JuDGE, you'll find his first article, “SEEING DIRT” JUDGE. Volume 84, No. 2167, May 12. 1923. Entered as Second-Class Matter IAEL, at the Post-Office at New York City, N.Y. under Act of March 3, 1879, $5.00 year. 15¢ a copy. Published Weekly and copyrighted 1923 by Leslie-Judge Cou: W aren, Pi Cooke, Vice-Pres.; E. J. McDonnell, Treas.’ W. D: Green, Secretary, 627 West 43d Street, New York, N. ¥. comicbooks.com