Judge — May 5, 1923 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES TO TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story sub- mitted for this page, and 5 for the arcond best. All others at regular rates.” Original, unpub- lished humorous stories only are wanted. Ad dress “Stories to Tell Editor,” Judge $3d Street, New York City. Firat Prize Ie THE DAYs When such things happened, a certain New York pastor found himself so often embarrassed for funds by the slack business methods of his church in making up his ry, that he was, at length, moved to mild protest. The inevitable Pharisee ng the deacons addressed, arose in ruffled dignity to defend the situation: “[ am surprised,” he puffed sancti- moniously, “at this evidence of the of Mammon in the heart of our spiritual leader. I supposed you were laboring for souls—not for money!” “Very true, very true minister, “but I cannot on souls, and if I could, it would take a thousand like yours to make one square meal!” sae Second Prize “rRER ’s only one good thing about that young puppy that came to see you last night,” said the angry father, “and that is he’s healthy.” “I am surprised to hear you admit that much,” replied the duti- ful daughter. PLANTATION wouldn’t except eundy for the “+t that when you met him in the hall last night I heard you say—Oh, George, how cold your nose is.”” * returned the Rnd I itTLE May O'Mat- 4 LEY was a_ great chum of her dad, and always conside it part of her job to defend him, Her uncle, who was visiting the O'Mal- leys, delighted to tease little Mary. “Your ‘father's posi- the most homely man I ever saw!” an- nounced Uncle Dan one day to N “He is not!” defended the little girl. “He's never home,” she adde« much te the satisfac tion of Mrs. O'Malley. ne head of the firm 1 caught the office ling lies. “Boy,” “ ‘ou know was the reply. “When th old enough the firm sends them out as sales- men.” tae “T MAY seem cruel, Topsy,” said a young man, “but I ought to tell you that last night at) your party your sister promised to mi me. Will you forgi me for taking — her away? “Forgive you!” re- plied she. “Why, that’: what the party was for. rer M* Waite liked his Prospective Father—And what are your—er—terms? 4 music jazzy. Obstetrician—C. O. D. Therefore it’ was with great reluctance that he agreed one night to accompany his wife to a rather high- browish concert. Mrs. White sensed something of his apathy for the higher music and _there- fore was both pleased and surprised to sce her unesthetie spouse vigorously applauding a certain bass singer at the end of his very profound number. “I'm glad,” she said, “that at last one good singer has pleased you.” “Yes, my ¢ replied White; “that man was remarkable! He's the first Frosted chocolate. 11 bass singer I've ever he who didn’t sing ‘Asleep In the Dee] Prey eatin” said the student. “I want to talk to you about changing my course of study.” alk to your mother, son,” directed the father, who was reading the sporting page. “Mother,” said the son, “I made a mistake when I selected chemistry. But it is not too late to change even yet. I want to take astronomy instead.” The mother searched the ss of her son sharply. Then she said: “No! You'll have to think up some better excuse for staying out at night.” sae qyrom a barge round- ing Cape Cod one ight, a negro fell over- board. Though he re- peatedly yelled, “Ere me am, Cap, on thuh starboard,” the owner of the barge, directing the rays of a pocket flashlight here and there, could) not detect the brunette, who tre water. Finally, in exas- peration, the white m thundered :*Grin, dark grin, and roll your eye Rd NEGRO woman was proudly displaying her new watch to a col- ored frien They examined — the back of the watch and noticed the regulator. The first said: “What dat F and S mean? After pondering over the question the old lady said, “Ah know; F stands for Fohnoon, and S stands for ‘Saft- noon,”