Judge — March 31, 1923 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

come stars, ost of ngs. would m_ the to the Ballades of a Dub by ALN. C. Fouler I'm Thankful for My Newest Stance ( ur Greens Committee’s scathing ire Knew neither limit, mete or bound, But ever mounted high and higher Because I would dig up the ground And carelessly toss divots round Till none of devastated France In such torn shell holes did abound— I'n thankful for my newest stance. They'd watch me dig, hoe and perspire \nd brand me as the strike-out hound Whose game was just as dead as Tyre And with raspberries should be crowned; For footlessness I was renowned ill lately, by the merest chance, I got my clumsy fee I'm thankful for my newest stance. I'm nearer now my heart’s desire Because no longer do I pound The fairways into dust or mire Or dig a needless pit or mound Where neither hitherto was found To halt a medalist’s advance Or cause most objurgating sound— 2) I'm thankful for my newest stance. L’Envoi Thanksgiving Day, let me expound This highly grateful circumstance; Par hasn’t got yours truly downed— I'm thankful for my newest stance. “I need some pi “Well, young man, you can start by putting in the coal.” Phd A March wind struck a sheltered spot. Before they could recover It took the Bastile off the lot And a pyramid blew over. Scooty Blear by C.W. Myers nH’ duffer wha shows a poker face when teein’ aff afore a big gallery is only bluffin’. His drive usually proves it. + *# * Th’ mon wha tries tae talk ye oot 0° your match is a garlig. soe ¢ Mony men will gang ony length tae in thir end—except wi’ thir wooden clubs. + & * Sooner or later a mon’s domestic troobles will come tae a hea A flea, if given half a chance, will do likewise. + * * Our British cousins say our caddies are inferier. We shad worry. They used tae think th’ same aboot our gawfers. + * * Henry Ford may be a mon o’ parts, but his product is nae owerloaded wi’ ‘em. * * #* My idea 0° conceit is whaur an ant crawls intae a bank vault wi’ robbery in its heart. ttt The Old Songs by Thomas J. Murray Gi cessor sing the old songs \D'So many seem to like; The airs that softened bold wrongs That all too often strike. ‘The tender words at gloaming, When western ski The lyric that brings homi ‘The memories almost fled. But this announcement ever We treat just as we should, You see the lady never Could. The Golf Widow’s Might by Mary Mosher Allen J said he would be back at And now it’s half past nine, And dinner’s spoiled long hours ago. Oh, what a life is mine! I've chicken broiled and candied sweets, Mushrooms and Spanish cream, But Jack forgets, he’s playing golf, And dinner’s naught, *twould seem. He'll say he’s sorry—oh, so sad! sympathy he'll dole, And calmly own he tripped and fell Into the nineteenth hole. That hole, alas, is very deep, ‘ar deeper than of yore. It used to be but one drink deep And now it’s three to four. An inspiration comes to me! I think /'ll learn to play. Instead of pitying myself I'll play golf every day. T'll practice driving with And get a perfect stanc T'll pitch and putt in perfect form Each time I get a chance. The best Jack does is ninet And yet he thinks he p When I get into my © Full » a stroke a hole When my first year is up. T'll rise from out my widowhood. Sad sister, do the same. Come, rally to your husband's side And beat him at his game. +P at Ln a ap Yt 4 iy} pe SALE pry aaa espe EEE TEEPE ETE ETE (thea Ph p aI And see nothing but mud and rain. And hear “April Fool.” Then you realize you’ve a golf stick in your hand again, and it is spring. comicbooks.com