Judge — March 24, 1923 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Loosening up the old SPORT PAGE trudgeon. FIRST STEPS IN SITTING STILL by Heywood Broun HEN orators and statesmen point to the Constitution of — the United States as the greate instrument ever devised for the govern- ment of man we remain a little doubtful, for we have read the Constitution of the National League. A world organ’ after the manner of professional t might be among the utopi Genius in all the arts would be recognized early and adequately through the scout system. Ivory hunters would penetrate into every garret in search of fast sculptors and painters with a sharp curve. Of course that wouldn’t help us at all since realize we have neither genius nor garret. But spring training would certainly be appealing. Indeed it is hard to imagine anything more agreeable than to go South every spring for the purpose of getting into the pink of condition. Naturally we are dealing with the subject somewhat symbolically. Ten years on the equator could hardly serve to boil us into a right fielder. It is merely the principle of the thing which appe: ‘The utopia would have a wide range of activities to be apportioned among men. And bright and early any passerby might. find us storming the doors of the Apportioning Bur with our applica- tion in hand. We would ask to be trained for leisure. And the spring would be the time to go South in order to get rid of the kinks, the various unhealthy impulses to work and action whi into everybody during the long w Fee LEISURE we have a real talent, it is undeveloped. Any good scout could see it. Undoubtedly his report would read: “With good coaching and seasoning this youngster can be developed into one of the laziest men of leisure in the league.” Nobody could expect to be perfect at once. But we have the hands for it although and the general build. There are not a dozen men in America who can slump down upon a sofa more readily. The exercises in spring training for leisure would consist first of long drills at break- fasting in bed. Not much later than noon every day the squad ought to be turned out for prac in sunning itself. Give us an agreeable day and something to lean against and we guarantee our ability to prove ourself an excellent waite ing, dodging responsibility, procrastina- tion, sloth, indolence, all these we could master inafew wee halittle direction. In fact it would be our ambition to keep in perfect. training all the y round, The newspaper reporters m well flash back to the waiting information. “Heywood Broun one of the greatest seasons he has ever had as he has li carefully and has indulged in no labor of any kind all winter. He hopes to lead the Leisure ue in napping and gaping. Already 1 the pink of condition.” A MATTER OF FACT, we went upon a training trip once with the New rk G and it was almost as ideal as the one we have mentioned. At first we had a tendency to wake up in the morning when the ball players began to tumble out of their rooms to get ly for practice. This weakness was over- come after a bit and we gained sufficient strength of character never to stir until luncheon. In the afternoon, as a con- cession to human frailty, we motored a quarter of a mile to the ball park and watched the recruits at work. It might be thought that the sight of forty or fifty young men sliding, running, throw- ing the ball, batting and indeed fairly gorging themselves in exertion might be a little repuls ‘body who had gone south for Spring training in leisure. We did not find it so. The most perfect 8 Sketches by Weed leisure is lived in the midst of depraved One has a soothing sense of superiority in realizing that’ he is a person set apart from the rest of the world and more fine grained than tle multitude. Alarm = clocks, bugle calls, factory whistles may chime pleasant! into the life of the man of leisure. All these serve to remind him of the work he is not going to do, Te TROUBLE With attaining perfection 1 idleness is that most people start in too strenuous! This isn’t a bad world. Human instincts are fundamen- tally right. The most casual observer can hardly fail to notice a very wide- spread tendency to leisure in the spring Even hardened offenders who have worked for years yawn at the soothing touch of the But one yawn does not make a complete conversion. In the beginning, it is better for the person who wants to make a man of him- self and adopt leisure to keep workin: little. A physician can prescribe the amount which will, of course, be cut down from day to di Unfortunately it is very difficult. to shut work out completely.“ Unscrupulous miscreants » forever bootlegging it in to addicts. An effort of the will is necessary. Once anybody can be tauglit to go through an entire day without work his cure is assured. After that it becomes increasingly easy until com- plete normalcy is restored and he reaches a point where any work at all provokes a sinking feeling at the pit of the stomach. Everybody appreciates leisure but often it is taken on too late. Don’t wait for some future time in which to reform. Let everybody begin spring train here and now and within a generatior the ugly head of work can be crushed under the back and shoulders of a re- cumbent and liberated mankind,