Judge — March 17, 1923 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

S Poe rive 's to Perl JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. All others at regular rates. First Prize T" NEGRO SEXTON of a little church in the South was told to get up on the roof and replace some broken shingles. He didn’t like to acknowledge that the steep slant of the roof scared him— so he climbed up toward the broken spot cautiously—clinging like a cat to the old roof,which was dry and slippery. \ passer-by called out, “Hello, Sam! » it’s ticklish work for you, climbin’ toward Heaven!” Sam looked down—relaxed his cau- tion for an instant and started to slide down the roof! Loud and fervently he was heard to cry: “Oh, Lawd! Save dis niggah! Lawd—Lawd, save dis nig—Nebber mine, Lawd! My britches done kotched on a nail!” Second Prize {S040 poctor was a deacon in a LA’ church which had suffered long under the pastorate of a most lady-like preacher. Finally a new minister was called, and in delight over the vigor of his first sermon the other deacons gathered round the medical man for his verdict. “Well, doctor?” they asked. And the old man breathed relief. “It’s a boy!” he beamed. She—You writing jokes for Judge! tT the annual church bazaar one young lady was making a considerable amount of money as a palmist. » To one of her girl clients “TI see by your hand you are going to be married. “How wonderful!” answered the aston- ished girl. “And, you are en; “It’s perfectly amazin, girl. “Surely the lines my hand cannot tell you the “Who said anyth interrupted the palmist scornfully. are wearing the engagement ring whi I returned to Mr. Gibson three weeks ago.” continued the diviner, “ ttt isHop Burcess is one of the few American clergymen who, being Oxford graduates, are entitled to wear the Oxford hood. He and a friend met another who was wearing the hood, but not being an Oxford man, was not en- titled to the privilege. “That man is wearing a lie on his bac whispered the friend. “Hush,” Bishop Burgess. “Don’t call it a Call it a false-hood.” Ha-ha-ha! Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. Witsuneron furnishes any one who asks with various Government pub- lications such as cook books, health books, books on building, etc. A newly married couple had acquired a generous supply of them. One evening the bride asked her hus- band to hand her the “Baking Book.” She was contemplating another venture at biscuits. Absent-mindedly he complied and con- tinued his reading to glance up later and find his young wife in tears. He had his first lesson in domestic diplomacy when he saw the title of the book he had given her—‘‘Concrete and How to Mix It.” erry YOUNG man was motoring through a small town the population of which was Norwegian. He hit two pedestrians with his car and went to the Justice to give himself up. “I probably killed two Norwegians,” id the motorist. “Vell, ve can’t do nuthing "bout dat,” said the Justice. “You must go to the county seat; dere dey pay de bounty.” He—Now, look here, you're not to laugh at my jokes! 5