Judge — March 10, 1923 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ice. and terrible in the night... “And quick! “Stunned by the immensity and incomprehensibility of it all, I staggered off to bed.” The Mystery of the 9,404 Headless Bodies Gardner Rea S THE HEAVENS gaped and hurled down what seemed a A hail of lead, but was really a hail of hail, a sharp report shattered the night—and Madison are was the Iy circumstances id baffling. Nobody knew anything about. it Still less the police. So “Yalelock Holmes of the Hundred Scars” was summoned. And I, of course, came with him to ask him questions. “Who's been here?” hurled Yale. “His bean,” replied the officer. “But it’s gone.” “One of us,” snapped Yale, “is an imbecile!” The officer smirked, and Yale whirled masterfully to work. First he divided the body into squares. Then he divided each square into two isosceles triangles, thus making the impossi- bility of anything cluding his cagle eve twice as impossible. All but the headless body, marveled. Then Respectfully we widened our circle to give him room to nate. Six hours later Yale called us. Go,” he commanded tersely, “to 83954 Blinx” street, and hand over the body. It is no longer unidentifiec Yale.” T mar “how on carth— “His he sness served as identificat hody to the Gonedome Apartments,” “A fool would call it simple.” “How simple?” I asked. On our return to F with a message for Yale. richer by one headless, unidentified b were unique I have sent the snapped the great man. ker street we were met at the door A note from the Gonedome Apart- ments, “Thanks for grandpa,” it read, “but where's his toupee?” “y * hurled Yale, in a clarion whisper. “Toupee! I wonde But he was interrupted by 9,885 messenger boys. Nine thousand, three hundred and eighty-five more headless bodies discovered under similar unique circumstances. Stunned by the immensity and_incomprehensi- bility of it all, I staggered off to bed, leaving Yale... stark ratiocinating. N= morning at nine Yale yanked me out of bed and into “ a taxi. “Universal Toupees, Inc!’ he barked at the chauffeur. It may hail again at any moment!” I stared in blind terror at the lowering sky. Then I re- Last night it had hailed, and last night 9,404 head- had been found! is it, Ya I shricked in horror, as I dressed. “Whom, which—" “My friend,” said Yal ach one of those thousands. left home wearing their heads, and a toupee! A toupee, I need hardly add, made by Universal Toupees, Inc., which controls every toupee in America. Do you follow me He leaped from the taxi into Universal Toupees, Ine. ‘Quick!” hurled Yale. “Your list of customers, at once! Tam Yalelock! It looks like hail!” I gasped. “Is this list complet he yelped a moment later. Mr. Universal failed to meet Yale’s scorching eye. The eagle on he dribbled brokenly, “there is one bald-headed man in America who for some inexplicable reason’ refuses to wear a Universal toupee. Worst of all, he is one ploy Mr. Slicker, of the glue departmen Yale’s radium-mounted police siren leaped to his lips. ooted. smith,” he barked, to the first man who responded, “ob- serve this list of the bald-headed men of America. All wee Universal toupees. As you know, 9404 of them met their dastardly death last night. The remainder must be notified at once to wrap in cotton and deposit in their local police head- quarters every toupee in their possession. It looks like hail! “And, oh, yes, Smith, Mr. Slicker of the glue department is the murderer.” Tuer days later every liv Id-headed man in America nd been warned and had acted. And three days and one minute later it hailed! “All hail to the bald-headed men of America,” “ Yale, as he stretched himself with a sigh of relief in his chaixe- plus-longue, “they are saved!” “And now,” I marveled, “perhaps you will tell me- “It was the hail,” said Yale. “AS T discovered, wherever it hailed—and only where it hailed—old men lost their heads with g And as I also discovered, by word of face and (Continued on page 31) f our own em- He