Judge — March 3, 1923 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Rene CLARKE. Ballades of a Dub by A. N.C. Fowler Why Can't I Sink *Em Like Ouimet? Tire patexe old pill rolls to the brink the And sticks around but will not sink on tho’ I fill the quict air With wish and obloquy ‘That gravity ma And drop it in th } Why can’t I sink ’em like Ouimet? Some demon’s in the cup, I think, To guide my fifty otherwhere And put my putting on the blink. In spite of all the time and care Lavish on the greens, I swear I'm helpless as a marionette To sink ’em clean and true and fair— Why can’t I sink ’em like Ouimet? ore T watch the ball and do not wink Lest I shall miss that circled snare, Yet seldom do I hear the clink Of ball in cup, and so must bear The looks of pain spectators wear As four or five is what I get Why can’t I sink ‘em like Ouimet? Lv Life guard, stand ba Right in the ocean it’s To sink ten times will be hi Why can’t I sink ’em like Ouimet? sae Tnvot bet “You must give up coffee.” “Never touch it, Doc.” Give up smoki ‘I don’t smoke. “Then give up five dollars, and we'll call it square.” Of that blamed cup and lingers there When once I’ve chipped on from the fair— ! Leggo my hair! Father’s Sunday suit yesterday—to-day. Decoration pree to the World War, naval offi- ‘ers were not supposed to wear their ations or ribbons e sept on special asions and then never with the serv uniform, By the fall of 1917 that was rar an officer who had a number of decorations, made an engage- ment to meet his wife in front of a artment store in New York. He had ing one hour and fifteen minutes before its wife hove in sight. Suddenly he became con. of three typical Ni . Tagged, and freckled beyond belief, who had wiggled their way through the crowd and were standing in front of him discussing him as impersonally as if he had been a cigar store Indian, addenly the oldest. one asked him: mister, you been to France?” » replied the officer. “How long wuz you over there?” “About a year.” ny battles you been in?” “What's the yaller one “That one is for China. ing that he was going to be questioned out each ribbon in turn, the officer, indly fashion, began pointing to cach ribbon and ¢ at it w: “This one is for th for the Ph China and—” But the disappointed youngsters had : d enough. Cutting ‘short the offi- remarks, the largest one said in a disgusted tone: “Ah, cum on fellers!’ He only got doze tings fer wisitin’ places.” 7 ish War; that one is ippines. This one is for Tl’ Auld Fireplace by C.W. Myers V WINTER'S WIND a-blawin’ cauld An’ snawdrifts siftin’ “ginst’ th’ door; We used tae gither roun’ an’ haud Th’ watch lang aifter evenin’s chore. Th’ auld fireplace poured fairth its licht An’ warm an’ cheery was th’ nicht. Wi' tassie near, my pipe wel lit T drank an’ smooked wi'oot a ¢ sweet whaur I ne in cast!’ or lair. ce poured fairth its licht An’ bricht an’ cheery was th’ nicht. sit Th’ embers glawed wi’ crimson sheen, Smooke spirals curled thir wa’ above; F’er-changin’, shiftin’ was th’ s That brocht me thochts o” an love. TW auld fireplace poured fairth its Ticht | An’ warm an’ cheery was th’ nicht. Braw men wad stop, the They dwarfed li in retreat. j I saw hul armies | fa’ An’ empires crumple at my feet. / Th’ auld fireplace poured fairth its licht | An’ bricht an” cheery was th’ nicht. gang awa’; ke these be mine; at’d den, Na mair sall dreams Th’ modern hoose, Ts dull ¢ For da; ” yore, my laddie, Th’ auld fireplace poured fairth its licht An’ warm an’ cheery was th’ nicht. “Tt will cost $1,000 if I operate on your husband.” “Go ahead, Doc. for $1,500.” His life is insured