Judge — February 24, 1923 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

For Fathers Onl (Continued from pa voke respectful silence on his part. At least it will impress him that you are not to be trifled with. If he is smaller than you, decry him in generous terms. Ask him, as a matter of information, in a voice full of irony and scorn, what right he has to break up the peaceful pursuits of your home. If he is larger than you, use discretion. But if you have the biceps of Dempsey and the courage of Sergeant York, employ the same tactics with all neighbors, large or small. ‘To cap the climax, hurl an egg or—if you pay an income tax—an omelet in his fe Then slam the window, draw the curtain and continue with the flute. It is quite possible that during this in- terval the cherub will fall asleep from in- attention. If it does then it is the father’s duty to awaken it for the sole purpose of demonstrating to your neigh- bor that you are not to be intimidated by his fulminations. Begin with a_ shrill note, blow hard and determinedly, for the sake of the neighbor rather than for the infant. Continue for an hour or more until you feel assured that you have quite overwhelmed your neighbor. By now the infant will be crammed so full of melody that it will have no desire to exhibit its mother’s disposition for at least twenty-four hours. Of course it must be understood that during this rumpus the wife must not be awakened. Milestones of a Flirt. I Should S. y Not by 0. C. A. Child [f Y20 have, say, a hundred! pairs Of pumps and shoes and boots, You are not bothered by repairs, You do not care two hoots. You doubtless send the second maid, Beribboned and heeapped, To fetch them home with much parad When they are soled and tapped. But if, like me, you have one each, A right and then a left, You always keep them well in reach, For fear of flames or theft. But when the poor old things wear through And even dare to leak, Of course, there’s nothing else to do But take a little sneak. A little awkward timid sneak, The poor pedestrian’s fate, To one of whom you never speak— He does them while you wait. And there are other jaunty ones Who sit around and chat Of “so and so”—the biggest guns, And deals and things like that. Then, presently, you're all set free, Reshod as good as new, But should we meet, will you know me Or IT remember you? 5 ATTLE GIRL entered the Gunst Piano Company in Corpus Christi, Tex., and inquired about the price. of ukulele strings, but had forgotten the kind that » had been instructed to get. The clerk grew impatient and _ said, “Are they for yourself?” “No, mam,” replied the little girl, “they are for my ukulele.” st First Suburbanite—Where did you get your cauliflower ears —fighting? Second Ditto—No, trying to hear broadcasting concerts on a crystal set. oan “Our favorite movie comedian will in person.” Um. Should we throw flowers or tae Prospective Purchaser—Will the car make fifty miles an honr? Honest, New, and Unsophisticated Sale man—Yes, sir; with the right kind of speedometer. ey Policeman (to autoist driving wrong way on a one-way street)—Here, can’t your read those sigr Autoist—Yes, but this road is so rough I can’t tell whether I'm coming or going. tat “T don’t think much of that guy in the parlor with daughter. Looks effeminate.” “Shut up, pa. That's Bluebelle from next door come over to show her new knickerbockers.”