Judge — February 10, 1923 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Editors Douglas H. Cooke Eliot Keen A. Waldron William Morris Houghton EDITORIAL Hughes Looney Now? OME TIME ago JupGe set down without comment two items of political faith to which Secretary Hughes had appended his signature. ‘These were, in substance: That the quickest way to make the United States a member of the League of Nations was to elect Mr. Harding President, and That Senator Newberry did not buy his seat. To these must be added now his assertion that he and Colonel Harvey are in complete agreement regarding the foreign policy of the country. Capitol Punishment ECAUSE a well-known restaurant in New York persisted in its violation of the Volstead law, Judge Manton, of the United States Circuit Court, ordered it closed for a His decree has lately been affirmed by the United States Circuit Court of Appeals. Meanwhile Representative Upshaw, of Georgia, remains convinced that Congressmen and Senators and even Governors are constantly flouting the prohibition statutes. If you don’t believe him there is that incident of the clerk of the House Office Building who sat down suddenly and forcibly upon a bottle of hooch right outside of Mr. Upshaw’s offi And that the waiter, who let slip a flagon of din bond) to the marble floor of the other incident of Ge rare old lernian (bott Senate restaurant. Mr. Upshaw, in one of his typical Upshavian speeches in the House, has quoted from a signed letter as follows: “A pro- fessional bootlegger told me a year ago, “The House Office Building furnishes my best customers and as long those blankety blanks keep on buying I am going to keep on selling.” ” Bootleggers, the gentleman from Georgia has learned, even penetrate to the floor of the House and Senate. In view of the precedent established by Judge Manton, the remedy seems obvious—close Congress! This is the only practicable method of ever.drying it up—in more senses than one. The Late Queen’s Secret ant WiLuiaM CLENDENNIN of th ickle Packers’ ion has made public his belief that “the pickle great preserver of a fine The beauty of Catherine of Aragon, who won the heart of Henry VIII, , to her fondness for pickles. The Pickle Packers’ President may be right. But what of the pickle as a preserver of marital felicity? Henry VIII divorced Catherine of Aragon though he had to renounce the Church of Rome to do it. We are more inclined than before to sympathize with Henry, now that we know the vice to which Catherine was addicted. Of course, it may have been merely that he was tempted to plexion.” was due in large measure, he poach upon other preserves. But we have a notion that he considered the best pickled complexion in history wholly inadequate compensation for fifty-seven varieties of breath. The National Pastime HE recent impromptu round-up and rope swinging held in Harrison, Ark., (cloquent abbreviation!) is only one more proof that our true national pastime is not baseball but murder. In this particular sport we excel to a degree beyond hope of emulation, except possibly by Ireland. It is time this was recognized and a body of rules drawn up to co-ordinate and standardize the various kinds of murder now struggling for the crown of national recognition. Just at present mob, or community, murders seem to have gained the supremacy over mixed doubles and the running broad stickup. This would appear to herald the development of a national murder league, with Herrin, Mer Rouge and Harrison as charter members. Such unconscious beginnings deserve a more con- scious organization and regulation. It would greatly simplify the situation, too, if a definite sason could be set aside for this sport as for others. Having it all the r round tends to cheapen it and to exhaust the necessary victims. It may even encourage gambling on the scores and lead to a repetition of such scandals as have dis- graced baseball. Heresy E LEARN that “white elephants are losing caste in iam and are no longer revered by the people as in former days.” Possibly this item of news will be of interest to the Rev. Dr. Percy Stickney Grant, with a view to emigration. We are handing over our merchant marine’ to Panama, why not send our progressive clergymen to Siam? The ministry these days is the only profession whose mem- bers are forbidden to think for themselves. A doctor, a lawyer, a teacher (yes, in spite of Mr, Bryan), is expected to discard old formulas as he goes along and keep abreast with the times. These other professions are founded not upon beliefs but upon ideals. The Church alone puts belief above ideal. So much the worse for the Church. Ideals in their broader aspects are changeless. Beliefs never cease changing, nor should they. ‘The house founded upon them is founded upon sand—or white elephants. A Souvenir A LOT OF WATER has poured over the dam since Georges Clemenceau's visit. In fact we might have forgotten about it entirely if the following news item hadn’t come to our attention (by courtesy of The Dearborn Independent) : “Regular shipments of Florida grapefruit reach Georges Clemenceau, who became fond of the fruit when in this country. He instructed a fruit concern to send him a box every two We are very glad indeed that the Tiger has something to show for his month of stump-speaking, if it is only a taste for grapefruit. If, the next time he comes, he will discard the role of statesman for one of prize fighter or chemist, we can promise him a much more substantial reward. One a Minute opert E. Stewart, chairman of the board of directors of the Standard Oil Company of Indiana, has testified before a Senate committee that one share of his com- pany worth $25 in 1912 has grown through stock dividends in the intervening decade to 600 shares worth $37,200. This unbelievable profit is due to the fact that most of us who might have invested in Standard Oil stock in 1912 bought automobiles instead. We preferred buying gasoline to selling it. (Boy, page Mr. Barnum.)