Judge — February 3, 1923 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Visitor—Isn’t soothing syrup bad for infants? . Father—Considered so—but when he’s particularly outrageous we take a little ourselves. Stor 1es to Tell JUDGE pays S10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and 85 for the second best. Firat Pri. x a cold winter night at’ Fort Ontario, N. Y., in 1899, a belated soldier approaching the post was challenged by a sentinel, the following dialogue ensuing: Sentinel—Halt, who is there? Trooper—Friend. “Got anything on your hi Somebody told vou.” “Advance to be hypnotized.” The quiet of the night was broken by the “pop” of a cork and a gurgle- gurgle-gurgle (a prolonged old soldier gurgle), followed by the tramp, tramp, tramp (a deliberate old soldier step) of the itinel w Second Prive OUNNY said the “if coal is sell- ing at S14 and you pay the dealer ~ how many tons will he bring you?” “A little over three tons, ma’am,”” Johnny promptly. “Why. Johnny, t right,” said the teacher. “No, ma'am, T know it ain't ri * said Johnny, “but they all do it.” sae said at's not ne sergeant shook the bunk artist and informed him that reveille had blown. The latter opened his eyes and yawned laz “What time is it, “Six-fifte the sergeant, it Slowly putting on one sock the slumber prince said, “Do you know, sarge, when I die I want to kick off at six in the morning.” “Why six o'clock in the mornin, “Because,” chirped the sleepy one, “that'll be one morning I'll miss reveille.” exploded snap out of o'clock {Wl others at regular rates. Wee little chap.” said the stranger in the family, picking up one of the children, “wh » you going to be when aid the child. Why so?” asked the stranger. “Because,” replied the child. little girl.” “T’'m a “ A not t whom did you study in Sunday LY school this morning?” queried. the visiting minister of Jimmy, by way of establishing friendly relations with the small son of his host and most active church member. “About God,” was the response. “But you have heard a lot about God before, haven't you?” “Yes, sir, when daddy is putting on the spare tire.” “One below.” 7 Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. As ORATOR in process of delivering an LY. address which preceded the “supper” before a rural gathering was interrupted hy the stentorian outery. of a year-old youngster. The lecturer tried manfully to continue, but the shrieks of the infant grew louder and = louder, and there seemed to be no inclination on the part of the parents to carry it from the hall. Finally, the address collapsed utterly. As the lecturer was leaving the hall he overheard a bit of dialogue between the baby’s mother and a neighbor. Mariar shore set up a racket,” ob- 1 the neighbor, Yes, she yelled right brisk after she t started.” replied the parent com. itly, “but do yon know that E had nor eight times pl to pinch that chile before she'd start up ar Lp Dax, veteran Indian fighter, was telling a crowd of eager listeners a thrilling Indian story. “Yes, sur.” he said, “those young Injuns cornered me in that box canyon, killed me hoss, an’ me ammunition run out. Wallsof rock surrounded me; they was comin’ on, I could- n't. escape He paused abruptly as if to refresh his memory. “What did you do then?” urged his thrilled audience. “Well, sar, right’ thar’s where they killed) me!” tot A’ isu reeruit in the £2 rear rank was under- going his first drill. The hard-boiled sergeant. gave them ‘Squads right,”’ and other movements of similar nature. Suddenly at left his squad and sat down in the shade of a nearby tree, with the drill sergeant yelling behind him, “How do you get that way; who are you, Pershing? Pat disgustedly replied: “You don’t seem to know which direction you want to go. I'll wait here till you make up your mind.”