Judge — December 16, 1922 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

] { } ] Stories Weather Forecast—Heavy snowstorm. to Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. First Prise BOSTON man who was spend- ing his vacation in a small town in eastern Maine entered the local barber shop for a shave. As the barber worked he made several slips of the razor, and at each of these occasions he would paste a small piece of paper over the cut to stop the bleeding. When he finally got through, the man passed him a dollar, and as the barber started for change remarked: “Keep the change. It is worth a dollar to be shaved by so gifted a man. Why, man, you are a barber, a butcher, and a paper hanger.” Second Prize N ENTERPRISING coal dealer in £% Montreal adopted for his “slogan,” which he printed on his stationery, t! following motto, “It’s a Black business, but we treat you White. A customer, upon receiving his account recently for his supply of coal at the price of $22 per ton, inclosed his check in payment, and at the same time suggested that the merchant should change his motto to read: “It’s a Dirty business, but we Clean you Good.” sas WIDOW with a small son had mar- ried again and shortly after they were settled in their new home it became necessary for the family to move to another part of the city. The little four-year-old was so very well satisfied where he was that he had to be coaxed into the idea of the change. Among his many objections to the plan was: “And I ’spose we'll have to change our name again when we move into that house.” All others at regular rates. EGINNING with 1922, Northwestern University girls have adopted the custom of not dating with University men the night before a football game. This week there was no game and at House meeting one of the girls spoke up and made this announcement: “Girls, this week you can have a date with a clear conscience,” Then they laughed. ase T HAPPENED on the famous Shasta route. While the train wound its way through the Sacramento River Valley the brakeman explained that copper deposits had killed all vegetation that formerly had covered the low hills of the valley. Suddenly, an Englishman burst out laughing. “Not bad, what?” he said. “Their growth was halted by a policeman, Ripping, eh?” With a troubled mind the man to whom the remark was made turned into the wakeful atmosphere of an upper that night, After an hour of tossing, he in turn had his laugh. What the English- man had meant to say was that their growth had been arrested by a copper. Santy—I got stuck in your darn old chimney. “Well, this is a stucco house!” 9 Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. ATE ACHER of a high school class £2 had been in the habit of leaving a list of instructions on the board every afternoon for the janitor. One day the pupils failed to clean the board after having an arithmetic lesson, and one of the pupils who had been using the space where the janitor usually found his instructions left the following on the board: “Find the lowest common de- nominator.” The janitor upon entering the room in the afternoon glanced at the board and after reading what he supposed to be instructions from the teacher was heard to say, “Lawd, is dat thing lost again?” tae A ‘EGRO company was stationed at +% Camp Lee, Va., for training during the late war. One afternoon, during the drill, announcement was made that next morning the company would be trained in attacking a fortification. After the troops were dismissed a big, awkward-looking private approached the dapper young corporal in charge of his squad and said: “Corporul, what is a fortification, anyhow?” And in a tone of utter contempt for such ignorance, the corporal replied: “Don't you know no ‘rithmetic a tall? Anybody ought ter know dat two twenty- fications makes a fortification.” tae Y ARS ago when the Coocopah Desert was practically unknown, a traveler chanced upon’ a lone stock raiser on the lower Colorado River. An enormous heap of firewood caught his eye and curiosity caused him to inquire how the stockman had obtained so much. “Well,” he drawled, “last year in flood time this yer brush come a pilin’ down the river, so I rounds up a bunch of Ingins and gives ‘em half of all they hauls ashore. Them Ingins worked, you bet.” .