Judge — December 9, 1922 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sto JUDGE pays 810 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and 35 for the second hest. First Prize JUAT'S your little girl’s name?” asked the colored parson of who was enrolling her \ daughter in his Sunday school. “Her name am Opium Bryant,” was the “OF reply am? “Ss orather an odd name fora girl,” ventured the parson. “How did you ever come to pick that name?” see, pahson, “twas dissaway, Dey say opium comes from wild popps n’ so when dis chile was bohn, Ah decides to name her Opium ‘cause her poppy suah am wild.” Second Prize MAN recently had « the Cumberland Street Hospi Brooklyn. He was instructed which to take. He b riding for aby evidence of th at hospital he inquired of the conductor as to how soon he would reach the hospital. ‘The con- ductor, after eving him suspiciously, remarked, “You are way past the hospital. You are on your way to Greenwood cemetery now.” ery YOUNG stchman, shortly +4 after his graduation from the University of Edinburgh, came to this country to teach, ‘Thi later he revisited the his birth, On his’ return teaching post he was re of his confréres with an his trip. “Orie morning,” related the pro- fessor, I was strolling along a to his some punt of street in Edinburgh, I stopped at « tobacconist’s and bought some cigars. Finding myself ont of matches I asked the clerk for some. ““Ha'pence a box,’ said he. “What! Why in America when aman buys acigar he is given a small package of matches.” “*Tm sorry, sir, but they're ha’pence a box here.” “And do you know,” added the professor, “I had to walk back cight blocks to my hotel to get some matches.” {Il others at regular rates. ision to go to al in a 1 this car and after hour without any Russian dancer. of those Russian steppes I've heard so much about? the moujik. If Egypt had known Hoyle ries to Tell Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. CROWD of thirsty tourists took LY passage on a Ei bound ship but discovered after leaving port that in ac- cordance with orders of the captain, a prohibitionist of the aggressive type, the ship's cupboards were bare of anything containing more than one-half of one per cent. Their disappointment was alleviated somewhat, however, by the thought of re an island not yet touched by reform, at Fell you what we better ¢ {the which the ship was accustomed to stop. business man brightly. “You go ahead As they approached the island all made went, and Vil go back ready for a hasty visit, but the captain, ne from! learning what was planned, gave orders « that no stop was to be made. Leaning over the rail, as the oasis sped BUTTE, #2 who he accompany a friend on MONT., man, 1 been prevailed upon to bear hunt, had vealed his nervousness manfully al- th his first night in camp in the ntain fastnesses was a sleepless o} Starting forth in the morning, the two had wal wrt distance when they car s which the enthusiastic sportsman excitedly identi- fied as being those of a large be business and see where I and see where he riculturalist in the arid proached a decrepit old by, two passengers, homesteader who was. care caring strain, jumped. overt for a sparse field of rye. ou don’t swimming for the shore. seem to get much of a crop on this dry Storming to the rail the captain ordered hillside.” that the two be brought back at any cost r “Why,” and two husky members of the crew most alw started in pursuit. Through his binoculars the mate ob- served and reported developments of the chase. They are gaining! They are gaining! ‘They are only a rod be- hind, now only a yard. Great Scott!” “What!” cried the captain, “have and started replied the homesteader, “I s raise enough rye to seed the e mate, scorn- ¢ passed them.” sae AMERICAN coming back from Canada on a Pullman, of the best known points where is inspected by customs officers, had five quarts of whisky in his eling bag which he di sired very much to keep. He cov- ered four of them in the bottom of the bag and placed the fifth on top with a ten dollar bill wrapped around it and then retired to the smoking-room and tried to enjoy a cigar. “Is the lower six in an officer, apy ntleman occupying soon inquired uring in the door- I'm the man,” spoke up the owner of the five quarts, “Well, the lady in upper six two quarts in her suit case and you'll find them in your bag now.” Clever Critic—Ah, Miss Terpsikri, so you're a Would you mind showing me some Miss T. (quickly)—Not at all, if you'll furnish 19