Judge — September 2, 1922 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stories AMPLIFY YouR PLOT AND SITUATIONS DY Tue SoRT OF PLay T 1S GETTING ovEeR SCENARIO WRITING Some Hints for the Advanced Student t 6 WRITE ON ONE SIDE OF AND Go INTC THE FI THE PAPER ONLY espe ee ied BUSINESS Tell JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. First Prize A FRIEND just’ returned from £2 teaching in Kentucky tells this story of a backwoodsman who had been elected to serve in the State Legislature. Arrived at the capitol, he handed his card to the doorkeeper. That individual glanced at the name, and said: fou go upstairs.” “Like hell I go upstairs!” quoth the embryo maker of laws. “I was elected to the lower house, and that’s where I stay!” a | Second Prize N accertain'army post, where the mess sergeant is economically inclined, the while excellent, is not always of i to meet with the un- qualified approval of the men ivale Jones, having voiced his disap proval in no uncertain terms, had been led bef the captain by the indignant sergeant, en extra fatigue for one week as punishment for insubordination, and warned that for a second similar offense he ‘would be: punished ‘more’ severely. This he accepted with the calmness of a philosopher, and thereafter, while in th inésy hall, -wasiconspicuous by“his quiet: afterward the captain asked the mess sergeant if he had overheard any further complaint from Jones as to the quality or variety of the food. “No, sir” replied the sergeant, “he never comments on the food in any way. He comes in, looks over the table, sits down, and except for one remark, which he never fails to make, finishes his meal and goes out very quietly.” “And w asked the captain, “is that remar' ‘Hebrews, thirteen, eight, si can’t find out what he means by it he captain, who occasionally attended church, surmised that this was a biblical reference, so he borrowed the chaph bible and looked up the passage referred to. This is what he found: Christ, the same yesterday, to-« forever!” ness. Some time and I tas N ABSENT-MINDED _ professor came home one day after a heavy rainstorm in a very bedraggled and wet His wife met him at the door and as he greeted her, he made the remark that he had forgotten his umbrella. She was surprised to think that he even re- membered that he had forgotten anything him when he had thought of it. smile of satisfaction he replied, “Why, my dear, when it stopped raining and T went to shut it.” st state. JFOR about an hour a gentleman from Denver had been boasting about the magnificence of the Rockies to an Irish New Yorker. “You seem to be mighty proud oy thim mountains,” the Irishman finally ob- served, ‘ou bet Tam,” the westerner replied. “And I ought to be, since my ancestors built them.” The Irishman thought this over for a few moments and then asked, “Did you ever happen to hear ov the Dead Sea in in one ov the old countries? “Yes, indeed,” replied the gentleman from Denver. “I know all about the Dead Sea.” “Well me great thing did you happen to know that grandfather killed) the dom ttt SW recruit had been assigned to the infantry for duty, going out to the target range for his first time. He had made a wonderful score. His com- First Commuter—That was giant firecracker you set off. brating Labor Day? Second Commuter — Firecracker! Quit your kidding. That was the fourth still I’ve had-blow up this year. 19 some Cele- All others at regular rates. Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. mander called him in a day or so later and asked him where he had learned to shoot. The recruit answered: “Captain, when I was back home in ‘Tennessee my old man used to give me an old squirrel rifle and one shot, and say, ‘son, go forth and get your breakfast’ and I did.” Pad SISTER'S friend had come to spend the afternoon and evening with the family the supper table her little brother, between mouthfuls, said to him: “Oh, Howard, you should have seen the nice soldier man that was here to see sister yesterday. Gee! He was swell, and he was talkin’ to sister, and he had his arm—" “Johnny!” said deeply. Looking surprised, Johnny I was just going to say he had his arm— “Johnny, “said his mother, “now that’s enough from you.” his sister, blushing L was only goin’ to say he had his a “Johnny, you leave the room!” said his father, severely, Johnny began to ery and moved slowly toward the door. As he opened the decr he said between sobs, “I was only goin’ to say he had his army clothes on.” Rated [21S Northern Minnesota they were having a cold snap. For six weeks it had been forty below. An old shacker sent in an order to one of the Chicago mail-order houses and one of the items on the list was a thermometer. When he unpacked the box he found they had sent him one that registered down to zero and no more. He returned it and inclosed the following note: Muntward & Gumry, Chicago. Dear sur: The themomter you sends me onli go down to zcero. We hav forti belo for one monts. Pleese send me one that start at zeero and go down fore feet. Yurs truely, Jean LeDuc. Pad off one of his toes 4% while cutting wood. He went to a doctor’s office to have the wound dressed and as the doctor looked at it he Sam, did cut it off clean y at one blov . now, doctor,” replied you think I'd take a second lic NEGRO cut am, “do