Judge — August 26, 1922 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a The Mind of the Bushelman by Strickland Gillilan R knew why the led them Imen, T ne nm won. T knew it was one of those ngs that, if 1 inquired about it, some rson of vastly infer intelligence wuld look pityingly at me and slip me an explanation so simple TP should be humili- ved over having shown my ignorance. So Tam content to presume there is a rfectly ge sason for calling a man th a discouraged mustache, a mixed lect, onion breath 1a tape measure over his shoulder i ishelman. Whether the fact that he alot of measuring to do—oh, let it go! » proud owner of a pair of My pride, let me hasten snot because of these legs, but in spite of them. T have never been in a Ziegfeld chorus in. my whole life. Now and then T personally conduct these limbs to a clothing emporium, or pants garage. and have them drap A salesman fits me with the coat and vest, and then he sends me into a room which is the size of 1 withered telephone booth and always kept very dirty, to try the trousers on. Just why they have the floor in’ these cubby-holes so littered with dust and rub- hish has never been explained to anyt and probably never will be. The «ly jerk takes one wild look at me as [emerge for air and says, “Dl send for the bushel- man.” Hes the man comes. He has all the appesrance of a person. who has studied theology and has given it up for a quieter lif He uses his tape with his left hand at the b inside of my right hind foot, the tape and says: “Dirty-von.” This, mind you, fection on my character, ment that the inside thirty-one inches long Then he man tells me measure, stopping ump on the squints at is not meant as a re- but as a stat should be sales- id’ the “cull.” says “ke ve means I tell him yes. “Now, Pm hard to fit: in trousers,” I always warn them, “Sure, sure—we'll fit’ vou perfectly. Don’t worry about that. How much de- posit do you want to pi Next. day [ go back and re-enter the up-ended corset. box where the store- sweepings are kept. and try ’em= on. When T come out, the clerk looks wilder than he looked the day before at my first coming-out party, and says, as if it were entirely new and original: “Tl send for the bushelman.” A GAIN comes the industrious person, LY. peering along through his gl He takes one look atm) “My Gott, they're bent!” and faints. This always, in spite of the fact that I have with me the same set of legs, posi- tively no change of cast—the Broadway production, There isn’t. a new kink in them, not a deviation from the perpendicular, that wasn't thei terday when T first took them to be up- holste Yet always the bushelman is surprised. And as he recovers sciousness he looks at me in an injured » ves- “Engaged? Why, he’s much younger than she is.” “Yes, but he doesn’t know it.’ way as if I had heen playing tricks on him; as if he were asking me why I didn’t show him these same legs yesterday. ” To aver, in answer to his un- spoken accusation, “I didn’t change ’em on you. ‘These are the same ones. I've had “em ever since L can remember, They have changed. slightly now and then in length and perhaps the curve has become accentuated from carrying weight for age. but they are the same, and the nge has been’so gradual nobody could call it) an insult. Heaven knows if I could have exchanged them T would have done so. LT have n the anatomical wonder of the solar system for over forty years. being the only person sufficiently versatile to be knock-kneed, pigeon-toed and bow-legged at one and the same time. [ had them with me yesterc and you had a splendid chance to v their con- tours and be fully prepared for the shock which has so unnerved you to-day, Mr. Bushelman.” HE, arises. silentty from the | floor, dusts himself off perfunctorily, begins again where he began the day before, measures, squints through his glasses al the figures on the yellow tape, says (per- 3 haps this time less dialectically and more ore he holes himself up to-mor' Ivance that I shall have these identical legs with me, if any. Also ull drop in from time to time during year, to have these trousers remodeled and rebuilt until eventually they may fit me. No hurry about them, understand. My visits here are more I than for merchandising purposes anyway. Just have these lying handy when I drop in, so that T ma into the garbage can to try them on’ and come out and surprise you. So long!’ And as I go out, I hear him mutter: ! It ain't enough yet he should take all our time with his geflooey lecks, but he should try to git funny like a play actor, God forbid!” social ore Passenger—What is the matter, guard? Guard (tired of answering similar ques- box tions)—The new signalman in’ the up there has got red get the engine to pass him, comicbooks.com