Judge — August 12, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

to JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. First Prize [LS PouereDy, in the early days of Western Texas, land was sometimes more of a liability than an asset. Jim Luke was the possessor of two tus had no con- vertible value and the rattlesnake market was bearish. He had a trade in process with a fellow native—one section for a yearling. Coming out of the office of the notary, his face was wreathed in a such sections; satisfied smile. “Make ver trade all right Jim?” 1a friend, Take the swap? Well I reekon I did! » You know that dern fool cat read or wri His voice Iropped to a confidential whisper. I just put both sections in the dec and he didnt know the difference!” Second Prize A TRAIN on one of the roads running Indianapolis struck an old done of the passe SR out of horse at ‘ossing gers became. very. excited. finally remarked on his nervousness and he replied, if you had 1,000 of stock in this road you'd feel just as T do. “Why, we only killed an old horse! xactly, but you don't know on what Laifair dividends are passed Some one erry 1 battle field in the late a big, rawboned Yankee sergeant. was gathering ina bunch of German prisoners, among them an officer. There was a look of bewilderment on the German officer’, cannot understand it.” said he. Tt were the Kaiser's storm troops.” “Storm troops, hell!” retorted his cap- “We're from Kansas, where they tor. raise cyclones. tt HEY had just been married in. a Chicago parsonage. — The minister turned to the bridegroom and asked why the couple wanted to be married in Chicago. Well, you see,” the bridegroom plied, “Tenlisted in the Army in Cl All others at regular rates. AN IRISHMAN anxious to get on the £Y. police force hounded the politicians until they decided to give him a letter to commissioner, but the signature car- ried with it that peculiar little curve which was meant to “side track” Patin diplomatic manne > commissioner, after reading the » told Pat that if he could answer the three following questions, he would appoint him: “First. How many: stars are there in the heavens? Second. — How many hairs are there on my he Third What am [ thinking about? Pat could not give an answer to any of them and was turned down. After wandering around town for some time an idea struck him. He would represent himself as his brother, and try in, The questions were propounded again: “How many stars are there in’ the heavens?” “661,468,432, answered Pat. Tow do you know?” counted them,” “How many hairs are ‘ag “Pat walked up and pulling one hair smmissioner’s head, answered s than there was a minute there on my “What am I thinking ow think you a brother, but Lam the again.” He was appointed. Iking to my same man back Phat AN INSURANCE man_ had ZY bought his first car and was having all the delightful experiences of a new drive! Practicing the precepts of his business, he had taken out all manner of insurance on it, but nevertheless he was more than usually impressed with the necessity for slow and careful driving—especially which was not at all to the liking of the younger members of the family. On one of these carefully driven trips one of the youngsters piped up: “Pay if you don’t drive faster we will be ar. rested for vagrancy.” just ing in Ireland, asked rm, “How many day?” “Three; An American v n servant at a t do:you have here The servant repl breakfast and supper. 7 dinner, Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. I [* WAS a big, beetle-browed police captain. Old John Kineary, a second cousin, had a habit of waking up the cops on a certain beat and getting himself brought to the station house on one or an harge. “What's name the captain, one night, as two bluecoats held poor Kineary up to the blotter rail. You know my na’ame,” responded poor John, in a brogue enriched by the eve- “oor boomed ning’s libations, “What's * thundered the captain, “TL want it fur the ‘ord! And so it went, the prisoner sparring with his cousin at every And so it was when it came to age, “How old are “oc the captain shrieked, on the third attempt; and the answer came, “Tm 99.” jestically the blue giant got outside the rail, and his flashing right found the point of the cousin’s jaw. “There!” muttered the captain, as he resumed his post. “Oo'll be a hundred when ‘oo wake up!” question. tot FARMER was driving a load of hay £2 along a narrow road, when behind him came a man with a horse and buggy. The farmer drove out of the way to let him pass. A moment later along came a young fellow on a bicycle, who cried to the farmer to let him pass. “Hey, there! Pull out and let me by!” “Oh, Tdunno if P'm in any hurry!" the farmer replied, “You seemed in a hurry to let that other fellow pass.” “That's because his horse was eating There's no danger of you eat- stot A FARMER who owned a large cattle £¥ ranch was bragging to a passerby about his cows. “Why,” he have cow that giv lons of milk in one di the stranger. “Tall that cow, Peg,” “Why, I should think that you'd call the cow something large, very |; well, like—"United States.” “Call that cow United States? I should say not. Do you think I want that cow to go dry on me?” comicbooks.com