Judge — July 8, 1922 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

one’s first husband. One expects to begin low on the ladder.” “Well,” I retorted significantly, “as my first wife, you—” With a gasp of rage, Betty stared at me wide-eyed. Then hurled herself to the other end of the divan. “Jimmy!” she wailed, stuffing her hand- kerchief tight against her mouth. “You brute! If I ever catch you even thinking of another woman, I'll—I'll—” The rest was drowned in a burst of illogical, non-flapper weeping for which all “encouragement” proved vain. Three weeks later at the wedding, I ob- served that Betty stressed “till death do us part” as though she were driving eternal spikes in our chains, And I grinned. Rael WE WENT fishing. I brought Clarabelle a rod, reel and line, hooks and sinkers, artificial bait, flies, worms, frogs, minnows, pork rind. grasshoppers, crawfish, a landing net and a gaff, a hook extractor, a stringer and a tackle box, five kinds of mosquito dupe, a pneumatic cushion and a padded ‘back rest, a pocket scales, a compass and a jackknife, a vacuum bottle, a luncheon basket and a box of candy. The fish didn’t bite well the first ten minutes, “Did you bring any good buoks to read?” asked Clarabelle. “Books to read?” I queried. “How forgetful men are!” she ex- claimed. “Don’t you ever think of any- one but yourself?” Sunday Shoes by Sarah Louise Grose I DO not like my Sunday shoes; They are so stiff and tight. My feet fee very happy “ When I take them off at night. I don't believe the angel boys Have shoes to black, do you? If birds sing hymns in their bare feet. Why can’t I do that, too? Rad “Dobson is always bragging about his family tree.” “Why not? He's a nut, you know.” Panel Mistress—I told you to change the sheets on the master’s bed and you haven't done so. New Maid—Indeed oi did, mum. Shure, oi put the sheets from my bed on his and the ones from his bed on mine, Reet “Miss Embonpoint is going to be marricd soon, Are the girls guing to give her a shower?” “They think they'll have to make it a cloud-burst.” Dorothy—Do you think these photographs do me justice? Janet—Justice tempered with mercy, I should say. sas “I suppose John was the life of the party as usual.” “John wh “John Barleycorn.” Sas Young Author—I would like to write something which will make my name known in every home! Blackstone—To achieve fame like that, my boy, it will have to be the perfect home-brew recipe! 5 AITER, you may bring me some Blue Points on the half. sheli, cream of tomato soup, a large join steak with French fried potatoes, an order of celery, apple pie a la mode and a demi-tasse. es, sir. Your name, sir?” “What in thunder do you want to know my name for? “Beg pardon, sir, but it is the custom of the house to look up the financial rating of our guests before serving them.” ae , Agatha—My servants never leave me. Harriett—Don't you find housekeeping monotonous? Rahal North—I hear Dobbs gives his wife credit for everything he docs. West—No—he gives her the blame! Fae “isitor—They tell me that Eph Hos- kins, who just died, had been ailing for years. I thought you told me he diced suddenly, Unele Eben—So he did. Why, one minute he was alive and the next he was dead. : “And after we are married, I am going to take you on a honeymoon trip to Niagara Falls.” “Oh, Harry! Falls any more.” “All the better. don’t we?” Nobody goes to Niagara We want to be alone, Rd Willis—The ‘Steenth National Bank Building had a narrow escape yesterday. Gillis—Bombs? “No; the old fire-escape. They put on a wider one to-day.” tae Good nature often pays dividends in good health. comicbooks.com