Judge — July 1, 1922 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Rene Clarke. “'Ose cocktails bad for shememory. THE PLAYER I can’t ‘member how Joe Kirkwood plays ish shot. Dush he hit top ball and leave bottom one, or dush he hit bottom one and leave top one?” TOLD AT THE NINETEENTH HOLE LL golf clubs have a few women A who, by being gracious to caddies, have no difficulty in getting much better service and advice than could be had through the caddy’s respect for rules. At one of the New England clubs a young lady, very popular with her caddies, had arranged a match with a much older woman, proud of a very mediocre ability at golf. For social reasons, the young lady tried to lose the match, but her opponent had miserable luck. As they went around the course the old lady became ruffled. The young woman was frantic. Apparently there was no way to prevent her opponent from losing. Finally she told her caddy that she would like to lose the match. The caddy’s face clouded. “Aw, Miss,” he said. “I didn’t know that. I've been stamping on her ball every time it gets in the long grass.” re A VERY old citizen presented himself at the pearly gates for admission, representing himself to be the hero of the Johnstown flood. St. Peter was notified of the arrival, and after estab- lishing the record, issued orders that the new arrival be shown around to meet other celebrities. This was done, and the guide making report after the visit, stated that every- one seemed to be exceptionally glad to meet the hero, except onc old fellow away over in the far corner. “Who was it?” asked St. Peter, “the old fellow with whiskers sitting over there alone? “That is the one,” replied the guide. “Never mind,” said St. Peter, “that's Noah.” PID DOCTOR and a lawyer took a ride_ into the country and lost their way. They inquired of a farmer as to their whereabouts. In their conversation the farmer invited them to take a little bite to eat before starting home. After a plain meal, they seated them- selves on the porch and told stories. Every story told by the doctor or the lawyer ended up in a jeer on farmers. ‘ow, then, Mr. Farmer,” said the law- yer, “it seems you ought to tell a story.” “There was a certain prominent phy- sician who had a serious operation to perform on one of his patients,” said the farmer. “During the operation the phy- 7 sician became rather nervous and ex- cited, and instead of removing the mem- brane he was after, accidentally took out the man’s conscience.” Here the farmer stopped. The lawyer inquired, “Well, what be- came of the patient? Did he get well?” “Oh, yes,” replied the farmer, “but hav- ing his conscience taken out he was not fit for anything else, so he studied law.” Pas A LANDLORD, having a hard time trying to rent a large, roomy old house because the public believed it to be haunted, decided to prove that the belief had no foundation. He secured an aged darky to stay in the house one night. He left him with a bottle of corn whisky and went home. The next morning the landlord went down to see the darky. When he reached the old house he found the whole end of it torn out with no trace of the negro. For three days he hunted for the darky. Finally he found him coming toward home forty miles away. “Where have you been, Rastus, the ecretes aes the darky slowly, “I “Boss,” rey ¢ darky slowly, “I been comin’ Back.” comicbooks.com