Judge — July 1, 1922 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Sabbatical Gallivant by Chet Shafer THE open season for the gay and pun- gent Sabbatical gallivant has arrived. On all the highways, out past the flowering upas trees and the twining gladiolas, the motorists flit in their un- tamed endeavor to get some place quick. As the church bells peal tuneful calls to the catechisms, as previously adver- tised, father drives up to the horse block out in front and the horde grabs seats, By the time that holders of pews A to Z, inclusive, are warming up on the doxol- ogy three-quarters of the motorized pub- lic is speeding on its gleeful way to a quiet spot among the ants and the second- growth timber. The remaining quarter of the laity waits until after the dinner dishes have been put in the sink to soak and then hits for a good road. The procession is continuous and un- flagging. And every driver cherishes the ambition to pass the man ahead. The air is filled with the exhaust of motors and the relatives in the back seat. Gears are a-crunch, babies waul, tires hum. With rattles and bangings Josephus goes by. Bent over his wheel, with his wild eyes glued on the road ahead, rampages Elmer, giving her the gas. They jockey for position. They spurt, start, stop, sputter and speed ahead. In_ trucks, flivvers, limousines and open jobs they are outward bound, the anxious, nervous, space-annihilating champions of the Sab- batical gallivant. Arriving, they spread the contents of their baskets in a leafy glade, gnaw on some hard-boiled eggs, gnash through some sandwiches and do a contortionist’s gulp with the thermos bottle. When they’ve strewn the glade with paper napkins and plates and made a few pat remarks on the glories of nature they’re set for the race back home. ‘OW different, a decade ago! Then folks would rather allow their fire insurance policies lapse than their pew rent. The family attended church, en bloc, and the sons and daugh- ters drew gold stars for regular attendance at Sunday school. And they always stayed clear through the secretary’s re- port. After dinner they'd sit around on the front stoop and read books, unless they were especially daring and had a Sunday paper. Then some neighbors out for a walk would drop up and have chairs. If Johnny got a nickel to spend down at the candy store he was rated among the gosh-darnits. In the evening Christian Endeavor drew almost as heavy as a dog and pony show, largely because it gave the young birds a chance to see their starched-frocked sweethearts home. Cold lunch was served and everyone was in bed by 9 with the exception of the eldest daughter and she had to snap out of the hammock at 10.80. In those days there was no place to go and no way to t there and they sang: “Shall We ther at the River” and “Count Your Blessings, Name Them One by One.” But now, as the race for home is taken up after the gathering at the river, some overzealous hookoo with his bright lights on either goes into a ditch or col- i with a fellow-helmsman. Many may arrive safely, but many sit up by look jest like a bear's, the roadside and hear the reporter for Monday’s paper chant: “Count Your Wounded, Name Them One by One.” A few pause to look over the mess but most of them, fearing a loss of two minutes on their running schedule, high- ball on by and read about it at break- fast. And the lucky ones all remark disparagingly: “Well, I see some more crazy drivers got killed yesterday.” Verily, the day of the gay and smelly Sabbatical gallivant has arrived. sas First Telephone Operator—What did the palmist say about your hand? Second Telephone Operator—He said it had a very prominent “busy line.” =D * Deeuo, Uncle Eph.—Darned if them ear flaps on my hat don’t make my shadow Stenographic Intuition “PSS SPEED, take letter—pull up chair—” (The new Boss looks like he’s a bear) “Dear sit:—In re yours—even date—” (He's lamped me—Gee! It’s going great!) “Would say—your offer’sgot the punch—”” (I'll bet he takes me out to lunch!) “Yours truly. Oh, I say, Miss Speed, Let’s call it a day. Come on and feed!” Pas Competition by A. P. Hitchcock H, WALY, waly up the bank, And waly, waly down-the brae— My wife must have a bigger.car ? To beat the one across the way. WANTED Railway Mail Clerks $1600 to $2300 Year. SHOULD WRITE IMMEDIATELY. ‘ r.) MEN—BOYS OVER 16 Steady Work 3 te Common education sufficient. Send coupon today—SURE / Address... 31 Name. eee ee 7 7” ~ Frankie lasitate, Dept, ¥-209," Rochester, KT. 7 Sica: fSend me. without’ charge. (1) sample & way” Clerk Examination, qi 3 (2) *Sehedule 1 pl . 8. Governmest examinations; « (3)'list of many Gor. ernment jobs now ‘obtainable, comicbooks.com