Judge — June 3, 1922 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Wonderful! Si, how is it done?” “It's very simple. like a worm, and I use a radio receiving patented hook RADIO FISHING That's all.” From four to six every afternoon a naturalist at the GWX broadcasting station makes a noise The Devil's Own Invention By WiLiiamM ALLEN WHITE se HE trouble with this place,” said the Efficiency Expert as he looked over the row of griddles receding to a distant hori- zon, “is that you don’t grade your material. First of all, when it comes in it should go through a sorting sieve.” The proprietor at the desk, calmly puffing a white hot steel rifle bullet, flicked the sparks from the end, and looked surprised. “A sorting sieve,” continued the Expert, “would save you a lot of trouble, and popularize the place. And I'm here to tell you that you've got to do something or this dump will close. No one on earth believes in it now but a few preachers. And all because you have been using old methods. Get a sorting sieve, and then when you get a consignment of frizzled souls,don’t go dumping ‘em all on the same kind of a griddle. Size ‘em up. Shake ’em through the sieve, and when you get a little one, say, a common murderer, or a liar, or a poor boob who has done nothing worse than peddle oil stock or robbed a bank, don’t waste coal on him. Just sweep the bin dust under his grid. And when you get a big one, say, a governor, or a Ku Klux Klan organizer, or a lead- ing citizen or a trust magnate—give him a few buckets of slack and let him fry in his own grease for two or three epochs. Then you will be get- ting somewhere. But you should give special attention to inventors. I note you fry an inventor over the same fire that you use for cooking wife-beaters. That's an awful mistake. Either put the blowpipe under the inventors and keep them white hot all the time, or let them simmer gently on the back of the fire.” The Efficiency Expert went over the Sailor—Wot! contrivance some ashore? ventor, Can't figger out that'll land us And ye call yerself an in- devil's books and looked through the griddle register. “Now look here.’ The Expert turned impatiently to the proprietor, “You've got this man Watts, who invented the steam engine, right along with Walt Whitman, be- cause their names begin with ‘W.’ And Watts is in for lying and Whit- man for being the father of free verse. Man—man! Don’t you realize that the fellow who invented the steam engine brought more sorrow and in- justice and oppression and cheating into the world than any man for three hundred years? Either you should keep him at the vapor point all the time or cool him off and invite him into the management. Your system is all wrong. I note you have a place waiting for Edison in the ‘E's’ along with Ephram the idolater. Have you no justice in this place? The man who invented the electric light did more to shut up this joint and spoil your business than any other man in America. Yet you will broil him along with a poor, ignorant old heathen who was joined to his idols. Or put it the other way around: Isn’t the man who invented the phonograph and taught millions to swear worthy of either a hotter place in your fireworks or a chance in the front office? I ask you sire, what kind of a system you are working on? Mere alphabetical simi- larity won't get you anywhere. Under that system where will you put Henry Ford when he comes? Probably alongside of Fatima, the lady who in- vented the cigarette. And Henry Ford has driven more men to crime than anyone, except John Barleycorn. Look at °em crowding in here—men, women and children, who have stolen, lied, swindled and murdered to get Ford cars! And what have you done with theinventoroftheautomobile? Where comicbooks.com