Judge — May 27, 1922 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of «yO YOU remember the old stories about the boy who went to the great city and came back home just in time to pay the mortgage off the farm?” “Yes,” replied Farmer Corntossel. “It’s different now. When a boy leaves the farm the home folks have to hold themselves in readiness to go to town and help him out with his rent and his grocery bill.”"—Washing- ton Star. “If wife was willing to take a little more of the work off’n my hands,” ad- mitted Gap Johnson of Rumpus Ridge, “and I had all the dogs I wanted, a good easy pair of shoes of dress-up, a dram of decent licker now and ag’in, and the children would hush their mouths and let me sleep as much as I wanted to, I reckon I'd be right— yaw-w-w-wn!—well contented.”—Kan- sas City Star. “How did you happen to become a burglar?” “It runs in the family, your honor.” “Eh?” “My father drove a taxicab and my mother used to get a hat full of change on tag days.”—Birmingham Age-Her- “I hear your wife had twins yester- day.” “Well, who would venture to enter the world alone in these times?”— Tyrihans (Christiania). th “The house I have moved into is by the railway.” “Doesn't that disturb your sleep?” “No. They say that I can get used to it in a few nights, and so for the first week or so I am sleeping in a hotel.”"—Kasper (Stockholm). “My husband was terribly angry when I asked him for a runabout.” “Was he? Well, I must say my husband is different. He did not say a word when I asked him for a limou- sine.” “And did you get it?” “Of course not.”—Boston Tran- script. “What's become of the old-fashioned gypsies who swapped horses with the farmers and always cheated ’em?” “Oh, they’re still traveling around, only they swap worn out flivvers that have been touched up a little.”—Flor- ida Times-Union. “Civilization is largely an empty tintinnabulation,” says H. G. Wells. Well, what can you expect with all these flivvers.—Seattle Post-Intelli- gencer. An old woman who kept a pig that did not fatten as fast as she thought it should took the case to her phy- sician. “You must see the vet,” the physician told her. “Oh, doctor,” was her answer, “I have no confidence in him; he is so thin himself.”"—Boston Transcript. 22 e World’s Humor’ Will the debutante of the future de- mand her own spark plug key, her own hangar key and her own night latch- key?—Louisville Courier-Journal. “Now tell the jury,” sternly de- manded the young legal luminary in a threatening tone, addressing the cow- ering witness, “what was the weather, if any, upon the afternoon in ques- tion?”—Chicago Herald. Binks—He must be fairly well to do I notice he always smokes initialed cigarettes. Banks—Yes, but did you ever notice that they’re never his own initials?— New York Sun. “I understand your husband is a good golf player?” “Oh, I don’t know about that. I'm told he swears as much as the others.” —Detroit Free Press. “How do you begin to talk business to a new prospect?” “I take my cue from what I see in his office,” said the alert salesman. “Suppose he had a picture of William Jennings Bryan hanging on the wall?” “In that case I wouldn’t make any facetious remarks about prohibition.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Will you take back this engagement ring?” “Doesn't it suit?” “Yes—but I don’ holm). "—Kasper (Stock- comicbooks.com