Judge — May 13, 1922 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

irls ght the las ‘il, of best. First Prize THE BLESSED MEEK Simpkins was, gallinaceously speaking, henpecked. Mrs. Simp- kins “wore the trousers,” spanked the children and paid the preacher. Neighbor Smith was quite an- other sort of person. In his domi- cile, Smith was lord and master; and he got awaywith it,too. Itwas a pet joke of his to refer to his friend Simpkins as “Mrs. Simp- kins’s husband.” A browbeaten, subdued wife in- variably comes in for general sym- pathy, but scorn and derision is ever the unhappy lot of the poor, henpecked hubby. However, every dog hath his day, and Simpkins’s came at last. One day the two families boarded the train for an excursion together. When a few miles on journey, the passengers were startled by the sharp command: “Hands up!” Two masked bandits stood at the rear of the coach. “Passengers will file past us and hand over pocketbooks,” directed a gruff voice behind one of the masks. Smith’s otherwise aggressive face went gray. Women fainted and little children began to cry. When all was over, Smith looked at Simpkins. Simpkins the shrink- ing, Simpkins the despicable, strange to say, was as cool and calm as Baffinland Bay in January. And he actually smiled. “Heavens! What are you grin- ning about?” demanded Smith in a thick voice. “Man, I’ve lost $500!” “I'm out $1.05 and a stamp book,” said Simpkins. “You see, the wife had our roll in her stock- ing. Second Prize LUCK A South Carolina darky was stroll- ing down the village street one eve- ning when he met an acquaintance. “Hello, Sam!” hailed the ing?” STORIES JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second All others at regular rates. latter, “say, are you entering for our draw- T O TELL Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted. “No.” “Well, we're having a turkey, a goose, a chicken and a pair of gloves drawn for. The tickets are only a quar- ter.” “Yeh, but I haven't got a quarter.” “Well, we know you purty well, Sam; we'll trust you for the quar- ter.” “All right, then; I'll take a ticket.” Sam was round at his friend’s and happened to ask how the drawing had turned out. “Eh? Haven't you heard? My old man won the goose. Warn't he lucky?” Your honor, we can’t have _ “Great Scott! this man on the jury—he seems intelligent!” “He were lucky.” “Yeh, and I won the turkey. Ain’t I lucky?” “You am lucky.” “My married daughter, she won the chicken. Warn’t she lucky?” “She were lucky.” REPARTEE Rastus and Mose were having a heated argument. In reply to some remark of Rastus, Mose said: “My girl at home, she won the pair “Guess I know, niggah! Don't you of gloves. Warn't she lucky?” think Ise got any brains?” “She were lucky. “Huh!” Rastus replied. “Niggah, if - “Yeh; but listen, Sam, you never paid Joe for the ticket yet.” “No, ain't I lucky?” brains were dynamite, blow off yuh hat!” fi} Be you couldn't “Oh! Pardon me for pointing.” comicbooks.com