Judge — March 11, 1922 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Like Sugar in Your Coffee— M OUQUIN'S non-alcoholic French Vermouth is to your cocktails or private stock. “Original Recipes” —our new booklet sent free upon request. GUARANTEED, 1922 Thin Model WATCH $ 2 onl ge tandvertise or yur bargains. ‘ END NO MONEY! Send name and yu! ite plainly) y, Iman only $1.9: ress q) wick Writ lainly). Pay youare not delighted. return watch and centof our money. et Bidg.. CHICAGO ue vdelivery. mn deliv we'll insta ntanity id eve CAMBRIDGE WATCH ct Grandpa Laughed at it; Grandson Will By Homer Croy "THE Family Joke is the only joke in the world that gets funnier every time it is cracked. Other jokes pale and lose their flavor after having been heard a few years, but not so with the Family Joke. The older it is the bigger kick it has. We used to have a Family Joke. It wasn’t much of a joke to anybody else, but to us it was the funniest thing in the world. All anyone had to do to set us off in a gale of family laughter was just to mention it. Uncle John once had had his heel frosted, and thought that he could fore- cast the weather by its sensitiveness. It was one of his delusions. He firmly believed that he was just about as reliable as the Government, and at the slightest provocation would begin to unfold the weather. To us it be- BOOK ON DOG DISEASES And How to Feed Mailed free to any address by the Author H. CLAY GLOVER CO., Inc. 129 West 24th Street, New York Dog Medicines Twin Bedlams. came a joke to say, “What kind of weather are we going to have?” We knew how far wrong Uncle John usually was. If visitors came and asked what kind of weather we were going to have,’ we would shriek: “Where’s Uncle John?” and begin to roar in their astonished faces. Can you imagine a scene in the Washington family? Company has come, and all are on their best be- havior, but little do they know that a Family Joke is in the offing. Colored servants are coming and going; trays are being brought; glasses tinkle. All are as dignified as church ushers tak- ing up the Easter collection. Finally the conversation swings around, in dis- cussing one of the neighbors, until one of the guests says, “I haven’t the slightest use for Jones. I think he is a scheming, deceitful, underhand blow- hard. I have my little hatchet out for him.” With that the Washingtons go off into screams of delight; they can hardly get their breaths; they crowd handkerchiefs into their mouths; their eyes drip, and just as their polite guests think it is about over they go off into a fresh spasm. It all refers to a youthful prank on the part of little George, but the company doesn’t know that. The visitors think it is something ridiculous that they have said, and begin to look toward the door. At last the family explains it and expects the guests to laugh, but the company only smiles politely. “Yes, very funny,” they say. “Well, we must be moving on.” To them it is about as funny as castor oil, but the Washingtons are still gurgling. Next DON'TS FOR TYPISTS Don't Argue Don't Cry Don't Dress Don't Be Too Fancy Old down Canoes |ASIEST canoe you ever paddled—that’s an “Old Town.” And it’s the steadiest, too, For ime Indian ideas are com- bined with “Old Town” craftsmanship. They last for years. $54 up from dealer or factory. “Old Towns” are the lowest priced canoes made. Make your selection from new 1922 cata- log. All models for it. shown in rich colors. Write OLD TOWN CANOE (0 1243 Main Street Old town" Maine U. 8. AL week they will laugh at it all over again. Or it is the Smith family of Pough- keepsie. Their grandfathers put a cough-drop on the market. Friends have come in for a quiet little game of bridge, when one of the visitors casually says across the table to another: “Did you see the man you wanted to yesterday?” “No,” the other replies; “but to- morrow I expect to beard the lion in his den.” At mention of the word “beard” the family descendants try to control them- selves, but it is beyond them; their cheeks fill out and their eyes glisten, until finally one of them explodes across the quiet table. They are off. The Family Joke has been sprung. “It wasn’t anything you said,” one of the family gurgles, as she wipes her streaming eyes. “Really, it wasn’t. Go right on playing—don’t mind us. Sometimes we giggle over something that seems foolish to others.” The lady was right. PERKING UP “No hooch at this party?” “No hooch.” “A cocktail used to put pep into me.” “Never mind, old boy. candied ginger.” Try the Don't Fli Afraid of irt Work