Judge — March 4, 1922 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

claimin’ himself the ‘Champeen check- er-player of the cruise’; but the skip- per, he never said nothin’—jest kep’ scratchin’ his head ’n’ lampin’ the board ’s if he thought the’ was still a chanct o’ clawin’ off. “The old Hiram, she was a pitchin’ "round some, an’ ev’ry onct in a while a wave would slam against her side, casock-kup! An’ the ol’ man an’ Slim would ketch onter the checker-board to keep her from slidin’ off down to loo’ard. Cripes! It looked t’ me ’s if the old man might’s well heave over the anchor ’n’ take in sail, ’n’ let Slim cross the line an’ be done with it, but the skipper’s a cute ’un, an’ you'll never know what he’s mebbe got stowed away in his sleeve. “Jest then the slide opened up with a bang, an’ you cud hear the water a-washin’, an’ the riggin’ a-whistlin’, an’ Joe Silva yells down: ‘Say, Skip- per, it’s a-kinder a-breezin’ up, up here, an’ we're a-gittin’ purty clos’ t’ Kittle Pint!’ (Which same can bile some, too, in half a gale sou’east with a ebb tide runnin’, I'll say so.) Well, I was lookin’ fer the old man to bawl him out, an’ tell him to go to the devvle, ’cos the old man’s a little mite techy "bout havin’ anybody heavin’ out any hints es to howter run his bo’t. “But he never paid no ’tention a- tall—jes’ kep’ a-studyin’ an’ a-studyin’, an’ purty soon Joe slammed the slide to, as if he was mad about suthin’. “I kinder suspicioned there was suthin’ brewin’, an’ all of a suddent up jumps the skipper, an’ grabs his sou’wester, ’n’ scrambles up the com- panion, yellin’: ‘All hands on deck!’ Slim’s grin kinder froze-like, but o’ course him an’ me had to foller on. “Kittle P’int Light was bearin’ jest Drawn by Garoner O. REA, “Gee, old man, that’s a peach of a av atenograplier you've got there. But why two of ’er; don’t you find it a frightful expense?” “Well, yes; but there’s really work to be done at times, so I have to have the other one to attend to it.” abeam, an’ nat’rally, in that weather, the Hiram would a-kep’ goin’ jest es she was, an’ out around the laidges, but by jings! Ef the old man wa’nt yellin’ t’ ‘bring her up on the wind, so’s ter fetch inside o’ Gull Rock— an’ you know what that means—an’ grabs the wheel himself, an’ o’ course we all had to turn to an’ trim in the sheets as she cum around. “Well, the short an’ long on’t was that the old girl was dam’ soon doin’ some tall shimmyin’ along them rocks. You could see the water breakin’ as high’s ahouse. Cripes! I guess the’ wa’nt a man aboard that wa’nt vowin’ he'd change ships next v’yage. But the old man knows one or two things about sailin’ a bo’t, even ef he does appear jest a mite reckless at times, an’ when he'd gut the Hiram through the wust of it, an’ easin’ along to- ward the harbor, he pushed Joe back onto the wheel—sings out ‘Come on, Slim,’ an’ makes a dive for the fo’c’s’l. “The checker- board, a-course, ‘was on its beam- ends, an’ the checkers! Cripes! We ain’t found ’em all yit! “‘Ain’t that too bad?’ says the skipper, winkin’ his loo’ard eye. ‘Guess we'll hafter play that Bride—Goodness! Possibly exchange! Here are ten presents that I can’t I'll have to give some bridge parties! game over next cruise!” 13 The Family Tree By George Mitchell M’ DAD was a famous two-gun man, I’m sure you remember his name: As Loose-trigger Pete He could shoot awful neat When a piker nosed in on his game. A rustler he was by perfeshion Till one of his pals spilled his dope, An’ dad paid his fine From the branch of a pine At the end of a hundred foot rope. His father before him was clever In his little amachure way; Cards was his style, An’ he laid by a pile As a dealer in ol’ Santa Fé. But he shuffled ’em jes once too often: They caught him one night with th’ goods. An’ although he was hung, We are proud that he swung From the prettiest pine in the woods. An’ so if I say it as shouldn’t I come from a famous ol’ line, So you’ll understand Why this mornin’ I stand At the foot of a wide-spreadin’ pine. They got me fer stoppin’ th’ mail coach; Yes, jes’ once too often for me. But dad and his dad When they see, will be glad That I swing from the family tree. SURTAX “Well, my boy, do you know what ‘syntax’ means?” asked the teacher. “Yes, sir; the duty upon liquor.” THE OLD REMEDY “Mrs. Symes has had to take her daughter abroad for her nerves. She inherited nervousness from her father.” “Where did Symes’s mother take him for his nerves?” “Across her knee.”