Judge — March 4, 1922 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

S TORT ES TO TELL JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second best. © ome 7 NATE MW; AD ence, A TRYING MOMENT Attempting to hold back a hiccough while passing a cop. GETTING ACQUAINTED The bus was starting in the rain, when the conductor put his head in- side and inquired: “Will any gentleman get outside to oblige a lady?” “She can sit on my knees if she likes,” said a passenger jocularly. To his surprise, a buxom woman bounced in and accepted his offer. After a time the man asked where she was going. On hearing her destination he exclaimed: “Bless my soul! That’s my house!” “Yes,” she said, blushing. “I’m the new cook.” ENTERPRISE The chief of detectives was raiding an illicit still, Above the shoulders of the motley crowd of onlookers pro- truded the ebony head of a huge negro, who watched the scene with a helpless, sad expression. The chief proceeded to smash everything in sight, and then had the various coils and kettles loaded on a truck to be conveyed to headquarters. “Say, chief, wait a minute,” said the negro, as the auto was about to depart. “T’'ll give you ten bucks for that truck- load of junk.” “Why?” asked the officer, jocosely. “Are you figuring on starting a still, too?” “Naw, boss,” replied the negro. aimin’ to enlarge mine.” “Pm All others at regular rates. WAITRESS WITH EXPERIENCE For days Anne had been seeking em- Work—of any description; meg ployment. pl: | her pride was but a shred of its former 4 self, Anne, chilled and despondent, was , Slowly walking up one of the side streets, hungrily gazing into the win- dows. In one of the windows appeared a placard—‘Waitress Wanted.” Eagerly Anne entered and nervously inquired for the manager. The man- ager asked: “Well, what can I do for you?” “The sign in the window says you want a waitress and I'd like to have the job.” “Have you had any experience? Do you think you are able to carry, with- out accident, heavy trays of food, people moving all around you and sometimes jostling you? Can you be courteous under—” “Gee, Mister,” interrupted Anne, “I’ve been eatin’ in cafeterias for the last three yeats. Ain’t that experience enough?” THE LITTLE STRANGER A Wall Street broker was the father of a small family which he rarely was able to see as he was too engrossed in making a fortune. One night, however, he was to stay home and take care of the several young offspring alone. The next morning his wife asked him if he underwent any difficultiés. “Oh,” he said, “I got thétf all to bed Original, unpublished humorous stories only are desired. O. K. except that little redheaded one. I had to lick her before she’d go.” “Why, John!” his wife exclaimed. “That isn’t our child. She lives across the street!” First Prize PROOF She looked at him doubtfully after the proposal. “The man I marry,” she said, “must be both brave and brainy.” “Well,” he declared, “I think I can lay claim to both.” “I admit you are brave,” she re- plied, “because you saved my life when our boat upset the other day, but that wasn’t brainy, was it?” “It certainly was,” he retorted, “I upset the boat.” Second Prize THE RIGHT WORD The new minister had asked Al Jones to lead in prayer. It was Al’s first ex- perience, but, not wishing to disappoint his new pastor, he complied. Twenty minutes later found him still praying. The congregation was becoming rest- less. Finally, from a deacon’s pew, there came a loud and devout, “Amen.” Unbending his knees the supplicant exclaimed, “God bless you, deacon! That’s the word I’ve been trying to think of ever since I started!” Snap-shot of a humorist trying out a joke at home. 11 comicbooks.com