Judge — February 11, 1922 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mistress—Bridget, will you kindly cover the parrot’s ears for a moment? A Valentine Suggestion By Norman Anthony ALENTINE’S DAY offers a won- derful opportunity to the merchant who is unable to gain access to the check book of his creditors. It en- ables him to present his bill in such a novel manner that his bashful cus- tomers will send him a check before they can recover from their surprise. With a little thought, and the same amount of labor, he can reach the innermost portals of every household, by presenting his’ billet deux in the shape of a valentine. Who would ever suspect the innocent valentine of being a demand for money? Who would ever suspect that lacy little symbol could contain a mercenary thought? This simple little scheme will bring in a torrent of gold to the humble tradesman and Judge offers it gratis to the merchant reader. For instance, the butcher! What an opportunity for the Knight of the Meat Axe! And especially if his name happens to be Valenstein! Just pic- ture a border of trellised wrapping paper, and in the center a bleeding heart, with a cunning meat axe half- buried in it! And underneath: The rose is red, the violet’s blue; Your butcher bill is overdue! From Your Valenstein! Who could resist that? Just imagine the florist’s contribution! — a lacy valentine trimmed with that nice green, oily tissue paper, and inside: For Flowers .........+++ $87 Say it with money! What an opportunity for the Dress- maker! What a beautiful valentine can be made with a fancy border of needles and pins, and an inscription at the top, “To My Debtor,” and under- neath a simple little poem: Needles and pins! Needles and pins! Pay what you owe or your trouble begins! Three Dresses ......... The family Doctor, whose bills go from the postman to the waste basket each month, can at last gain an audi- ence. With a few sugar pills, some cotton batting and adhesive plaster, he can construct a valentine greeting worthy of framing: Bills may come and bills may go, But Yours runs on forever! For Family Services The field is unlimited, and the op- pressed creditor may respond in the same spirit. If he hasn’t the ready cash, he can just pass the matter off lightly thus: You're a better man than I am. Dun again! Time’s Whirligig By Gamaliel Bradford SHE drove a car at tiptop speed, And her idea of heaven Was having all the gas you need And roads made straight and even. The man she married liked his ease, His slippers and his chair, Thought love of motion a disease And hurry a despair. Yet she would never overleap The matrimonial bar— Now she is in her grave asleep, And he enjoys a car. The High Cost of Hunting a Husband By Katherine Negley R OSEBUD bathed in perfumed water, exercised and relaxed, every day. At night, she cleansed her face with cold cream, steamed and mas- saged it, rubbed it with ice, and applied freckle cream. While the freckle cream dried in, she brushed her hair and put it in curlers, manicured her nails, then rubbed cold cream on her face, hands and elbows. In the morning, she used a founda- tion cream, dusted powder over that, touched lips, cheeks and chin with \rouge, and added more powder. She donned silk hose and silk underwear, and the latest fad and fashions in outer wear. After practicing a sweet ex- pression and pose for a half hour, she was ready for her daily job of work in an office, keeping an alert eye upon anything that happened by that looked like a matrimonial possibility. To-day she lives two hours from Broadway in a bungalow of three rooms, the bathroom fixtures are not all in; she cooks, washes, irons and works in the little garden patch, and waits dinner in the evening for the forty-dollar clerk she married.