Judge — February 4, 1922 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

er il ny, of ed re- 00 most citective when almost cold Great care should be taken that the food is not eaten too quickly, so inter- rupt his breakfast with daily instruc- tions as to the most pressing household needs, the latest bargains, and the amount of money needed. This will give him a € time to partake of his food in comfort and to enjoy it with a relish CLOTHING What are the most essential things in the Clothing of a Husband? Be sure that he is dressed warmly, and insist that he wears the goloshes you bought for him, even if they are a few sizes too large. If he loses them in a snowdrift, the added exercise of recovering them will do him good. Be sure that he wears the red muffler your mother gave him for Christmas This will keep him hot under the collar and prevent him catch: ¢ cold EXERCISE What exercise should a Husband ‘ke? When he has started running fo the station, wait until he is about a. dred yards away, and then call him back and tell him he forgot to kiss you. Do this several times with dif- ferent excuses. This makes the blood very warm, and is very invigorating. If this exercise is taken often enough for him to miss his train, it will keep him warm and comfortable for the rest of the day. NOTHING ELSE TO DO “What did Bohokus do when he found the doctor wouldn't prescribe whisky?” “Got well.” CHANGE “Wyld used to brag of what a treasure his wife was.” “Well, she was until she discovered he wasn't a treasury.” ACADEMIC ALCOHOL “How did Helen raise her college endowment fund?” “Bootlegging for her father's friends.” “PUPPY LOVE” “Why, Percy! “One I Love, Two I Love” By H. Earnestine Gunn-Johnson One I love, two I love, Three I love, I say: Four I love with all my heart, Five is king to-day ONE js the charming prince, With flowers on his brow, Who woke the love of seventeen, Nor is forgotten now! Two is the loyal friend, The comrade of the years, Whose kindly hands can smooth away The little hurts and fears, Three is the little lad Who needs my comfortings, And four, the crisp-tongued business man, Absorbed in weighty things. Five is my lover man, Tender, fine and true— And yet, I love each one the same, For all the five are you! REJOICE! D2 shitp and cheer that we Could down another year: Tip-toe a bit and see The next—with chirp and cheer! UNFAMILIAR FACE “Why doesn't that guest go? The house party is over.” “That is your boarding-school daugh- ter, Mrs. gub.” “Oh, yes! NEARLY THROUGH “Now, our guests are singing ‘Com- ing Thro’ the Rye.” “Well, they are coming through rapidly. That’s my last quart.” You're trembling so!” Decisions By Katherine Negley USTINE tried on a dozen pairs of shoes before she decided on the pair she bought, and wore them in the house a day or so before she decided to keep them. She examined gloves and hose mi- nutely for defects before she had them wrapped. She insisted on the clerk taking goods to the daylight when she bought a new gown, and she viewed her hats from every angle before she made up her mind which one to buy. She had furniture and countless other things sent home on approval, and very often she did not approve of them. She met Charles at a moonlight dance and promised to marry him the very next evening, under the rays of a dim rose-colored lamp. Oh, well; marriage is such a transi- tory thing, you know. TRUTHLETS No matter how old the world gets, it will still have in it the species of human who persists in blowing out the gas A woman is like a cannon: she don't seem ready to go until she’s full of powder. Americans are a funny race of people; if water were as scarce as liquor, they would be paying the same prices for it. If apples were brains, some folks wouldn't be equal to the stems. If there were twice as many opti- mists as there are pessimists, the world might rotate a little better. A good cigar is like a penniless ac quaintance; no matter how short it gets, we hate to discard it; but if we don't, we finally get burnt.