Judge — February 4, 1922 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STORIES JUDGE pays $10 weekly for the best story submitted for this page, and $5 for the second Original, unpublished humorous stories only are wanted best. All others at regular A SLIP OF THE TONGUE “Snowball” Jackson had just re- turned from a trip. “Ah tell you. boys, it sho’ am nice to be back home. eatin’ good home cookin’. My wife makes de bes’ biscuit in de world.” “She do! She do!” enthusiastically spoke up one of the group of darkies around him “What's dat!” bellowed Snowball “What you-all know ‘bout my wife's biscuit?” “I don't mean she do!” quickly apolo. gized his friend; “I mean do she!” A MATTER OF GAS Molly was out riding with the preacher. “Where shall we go, Molly?” said the preacher. “Don't know to go?” “To heaven,” said the preacher. “Do you think we have gasoline enough?” asked Molly Where do you want NEXT IN INTELLIGENCE A teacher had been giving a lesson on animals to a class of small chil- dren, in the course of which she ex- plained, much to their surprise, that man was ananimal. Finally, she asked them what animal was next in intelli- gence to man. One little fellow, about eight years of age, promptly answered, “Woman.” tombstones am_ suttingly Deaf, whar am “Dem ole comfortin’ to de soul. dy sting.” TO First Prize UNUSED TO TRAVEL Just before the big show started the lion tamer and the dog trainer were seated in the dressing tent conversing about their respective acts. “How's that new dog you bought last month coming along?” in- quired the lion tamer. “He's learning fast, and will make a good performer if I can ever get him accustomed to this jumping from town to town,” re- plied the other. “It's going to be some job, though. Why, the day we showed in Kansas City he buried a bone beside the center pole, and he tried to dig it up in Topeka the next day.” Second Prize WHAT COHEN HAD Cohen was a local salesman for a New York woolen concern. The de- pression in business being serious, he was willing to go a little out of the way for an order. One day, in a spirit that reflected recklessness as well as hope, he invited a prospective buyer out to dine. The guest picked up the studied it, and ordered from soup to nuts. The waiter turned to Cohen. “What will you have, sir?” Cohen despairingly re- plie “Gimme tea and toast.” From across the table came the mildly surprised query of his friend: “What's the matter, Cohen, on a diet?” “No. menu, On commission.” NOT SO FOOLISH Some years ago, before the auto-bus, Francois, a native Louisianian and a de- vout Catholic, had been in the employ of the small town’s local livery stable driving the “hack” between the depot and the hotels. His employers one day be- came suspicious that Fran- “Sting! TELL cois had not been turning into their office all the cash fares he was collect- ing, called him in. “Francois, how long have you been working for us?” “Oh—about twenty year!” “How much are we paying you a month?” “Twenty dollar month.” “Well, we have a new proposition now to make to you.” “What it is?” asked Francois. “If you will go with us before your priest and make a solemn vow that you will turn into this office all the cash fares you collect we will pay you $100 a month.” “Say,” replied Francois, his eyes registering contempt, “you tink I'm dam fool, eh?” THE LESSER EVIL A reverend gentleman and companion touring Ireland decided to make the next town on foot. While on their way they saw a farmer working in a lot near the road. His reverence thought to have some fun with Pat,; so, after bidding him the time of day, he started in to give the Irish down the banks, saying he found them to be an idle, ignorant, indolent, impatient, garrulous, quar- relsome, pestiferous set. “Now what do you say to that, Pat?” “Well, me good man, I would rather hear that than be deaf!” Great Gabriel, it’s a bechive!”