Judge — January 28, 1922 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

B “Ab-so-tive-ley,” said Mr. Peters, hyphenating his syllables He caught the eye of Kartof upon the policeman, and Peters winked one of those deep and damnable winks which convey a and pride in it. The sense of yui furrier smiled “Stolen?” he asked. Kartof winked and shook his head toward the police “You will have trouble that,” said Kartof Mrs. Peters “So you will you? him and now. man witl hiva for Peters snickered hysterically blanched, and buy stolen goods, will “You better call square it with him said Kartof “Square it Peters faintly. “How square it? “Pay the he furrier What license, The dog license. said license,” saic said Peters said the furrier: “it’s old Shep Thus again romance paused, giggled, turned away so passed out of the uf John Peters forever Two Mysterious Individuals By Strickland Gillilan ERE, you two freaks, line up in front of me and let me give you the up and down. You, Wrong. step to one side — excuse me! You say you are Right? A thousand par dons! 1 had always heard you two could not be told apart in certain lights. Now, Right, that I have you located, please tell me why you don't wear some sort of distinguishing badge or have some well-under stood grand hailing sign by means of which you may he recognized without hesita- tion by a whole host of con fused people would eagerly choose you instead of this other individual if only they knew you they saw you? If you would only sing out clearly, “Here I am.” when the poor human is turning his be wildered eyes rapidly from you to the other one and back again, what a host of heartaches you could prevent! And you, Wrong, why is it you dis- yourself and wear Right's hat and carry Right's stick and umbrella and imitate Right's walk so often and parade around where people expect to see Right only? Of course your plea is that you do this because it is wrong I confess I can find no fault in your argument. You are so much more con- sistent than Right is, it seems to me There are, of course, certain wretched persons —few in number, thank heaven!—whose hearts are bitter and who turn to you the most avidly when you are least disguised. They prefer you to Right But I do wish you and Right would who when guise Chatty Person—Too bad you lost so much nice you've been granted your alimony “Yes unlucky at cards, lucky at love! fix up some sort of working agreement to mark yourselves in plain figures sc that the choice between the two of you could be simplified and a lot of time and regret saved. It would practically dispense with hypocrisy and tiresome alibis if you could bring this about somehow. At least you might arrange it so that you. Wrong, should not be given the greater outward comeliness in so many instances. Is there no way, Right, that you can manage to put up a better and more cheerful front, at least some of the time? THE EXPLORER “Tve got to go out and look for an apartment.” “I congratulate you, old = man You're going to have a chance to learn something about the geography of our fair city.” anyway, it's at bridge, my dear; but The Real Woman Haters By Elizabeth Parvin Schumana OATROOM girls and theatrical managers, saleswomen and doc- tors, waiters and travel bureaus, Pull- man porters and beauty specialists, telephone girls and tailors, cooks and Beatrice Fairfax, airdressers and husbands, pomeranians and hotel clerks, subway guards and sea captains, policemen and lifesavers, goldfish and editors—in fact those who understand them Mr. Average Citizen By Roy Temple House [Eb not be the first to cast a stone At this poor, erring brother; But if my neighbor does, I own T might just toss another comicbooks.com