Judge — January 28, 1922 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wives By Bessie Henderson Tiey has ankles demure and ex pressive— They are so eloquent it is embar rassing ; Mad over dancing that isn't—repres- sive, She has a manner the fogies find harassing: Wild as a child, but a lovable filly— Tilly, Marriage with Tilly? A carnival flaring With color and music and—deucedly wearing Lily’s a lady of dainty perfection, Never a slip from behavior conven- tional, Not a rude story in all her collection— Mostly her wit is, indeed, uninten- tional; Quaint as a saint and perhaps a bit chilly— Lily. Marriage with Lily? A measure se- dately Trod in a garden and—deucedly stately You'd not have Lily? Or Tilly? Me. neither Im not a glutton for punishment, either The Way of Two Maids and a Man By Altred Westfall *“QEE that bird in the checkered suit?” inquired the first lady strap-hanger. “Watch me get his seat She elbowed her way down the crowded aisle until she stood opposite the man who was buried in his new.- “Lady to see you, sir.” “My fiancée?” “Tam not sure, sir paper. She sighed once, as audibly as she could. The man turned the page and continued the detailed ac- count of how Mrs. Bingem beat her husband to death with a frying pan and hid his body in the flower-bed. Again she sighed. Still no response. Then she lurched against the man, knocking his newspaper aside. “Excuse me,” she said. “I've got an awfully sore foot, and the car threw me against you.” The man glanced at her sullenly. “I've got two of ‘em.” And he went back to his paper. The lady retreated. “Nothing doing, absolutely,” she annnounced. “You couldn't pry that thing loose with a crowbar.” “Watch me,” said the second lady strap-hanger, as she made the proper His Wife—James, what were you—eh—drinking last night? “Not a thing, my dear; but I like to feel that this mess is some sort of violation of the Eighteenth Amendment.” 2 I've mislaid your card index.” adjustments with her powder puff. She worked her way up the aisle to where the man was just beginning on the sporting page. “Pardon me,” she began timidly “But aren't you Douglas Fairbanks?” The man looked up with his face in a puzzled frown. “Me? I should say not.” “Then excuse me, please. I read that he was in town, and you do look just like his pictures. I do so want to get to speak to him.” The man’s drooping. shoulders straightened. He threw out his thin chest until the buttons on his shirt strained at their threads. An instant before he was a brute snarling at the crowded pack about him. Now some- thing of refinement and courtesy came to the surface. “I didn’t notice that you were stand- ing. Won't you take my seat?” As strap-hanger number two sat down, she cast a triumphant glance over her shoulder at strap-hanger num- ber one, who was still clinging to her strap. MODERN CHILD Teacher—Satan finds some mischief still for idle hands to do! What do we mean by “idle hands,” Ethel? Fashionable Child—The dummy at bridge. RETICENT “To what do you attribute your un- usual success in business?” the inquisi- tive stranger asked. “To my habit of not confiding its secrets to every Tom, Dick and Harry!” the tired business man re- plied. MODISH AILMENT “My husband is in bed to-day and I've sent for the doctor.” “Is he as sick as that?” “No, but he’s as thirsty as that.”