Judge — December 24, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHERE THERE’S A WILL——! The Professional Footballer who took up Golf.—Passing Show (London). ay “Jones is certainly popular with the ladies, isn’t he?” “Oh, I don’t know. I heard that lady in the brown dress making some mighty vicious remarks about him a while ago.” “Probably; but, old top, that hap- pens to be his wife.” — Richmond Times-Dispatch. Specious ARGUMENTS — Samuel Gompers, apropos of certain contem- plated wage reductions, said in a Chi- cago interview: “These employers remind me in their arguments of the young wife. “*What?’ said the young wife’s hus- band. ‘Another new summer outfit? Holy smoke, Mary!’ “Now, now, d said the young wife. with my own money “*Your own mone husband, suspiciously. get it?’ “‘T sold,’ said the young wife, ‘your fur-lined overcoat.’ — Detroit Free Press. r, don’t be cro: ‘I bought t said the young ‘Where did you Like GeRMANY—Charles H. Sabin, the New York financier, was talking about Germany. “Germany,” he said, “seems to think that, sanctions or no sanctions, she will get out of her obligations. oo is like the naughty little girl. “‘Come,’ said her mother, taking her by the hand, ‘you have been very naughty, and I’m going to lock you up in the chicken-coop.’ “‘All right,’ said the naughty little girl. ‘You ean lock me up in the chicken-coop if you want to, but I ain’t i to lay no eggs.’”—Detroit Free OnLy A Last Resort—Two Scotch- men were on a raft adrift on a stormy sea. Angus knelt and began to pray. “O Lord,” he said, “I ken I’ve broken maist o’ Thy commandments. But, O Lord, if I’m spared this time I prom- ise—” Here Andrew interrupted him. “I widna commit _yoursel’ ower far, Angus,’ said he. “I think I see land.” —Glasgow Herald. One SurE THING—An infatuated girl sometimes thinks she could live on romance, but she knows she couldn’t dress on it.—Dallas News, i “What’s the matter with Smith? Got lumbago or spinal curvature or something?” “No; he has to walk that way to fit some shirts his wife made for him.”— Richmond Times-Dispatch. THOSE FUNNY Dyspeptics — “Dys peptics are funny people,” said Dr Ellery C. Chamberlain, Chicago dieti tian. “Dyspeptics,” he went on, “are all alike. I heard a_ typical giving an order in a Loop res after the opera the other night. man is a millionaire, and he said: “Oh, dear, dear, when I was young I could eat anything and pay for noth- ing, but now that I am able to pay for anything I can eat nothing. Bring me, waiter, a broiled lobster, a Welsh rare- bit, a piece of cherry pie with Roquefort cheese and a plate of banana ice cream to top off with.’ ”"—Miami Herald. WITH THE CoRNER OF His EYE—A Scotch laborer was slipping out of the yard during working hours to wet his whistle when he ran into the boss. “Hallo!” said the latter pleasantly, “were you looking for me?” “Ay,” replied Sandy, “I wis lookin’ for ye, but I didna want tae find: ye.” —Boston Transcript. Knew His Limit—Mr. McNab (after having his lease read over to him)— “I will not sign that: I have na’ been able tae keep Ten Commandments for a mansion in Heaven, an’ I’m no’ gaun tae tackle about a hundred for twa rooms in the High Street!”—London Opinion. PuncTureD—“Here, waitress. This doughnut has a tack in it.” “Well, I declare! I’ll bet the ambi- tious little thing thinks it is a flivver tire.’—Youngstown Telegram. Wuere DANGER LiEsS—A man can take care of his enemies; it is his fool friends from whom he needs to be pro- tected.—Philadelphia Public Ledger. WInNERS—Purpose and perspiva are a winning team.—Forbes Mayazine. “It’s a pity that strike is over. So long as it was on we could persuade people that we were workers.” —Karikaturen (Christiania).