Judge — December 17, 1921 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Now that’s my idea of a sensible gift. To Skeptical Chloe By Gardner Rea OU who warm the sun, and rest no poorer for his borrowing, May yet be moved to wonder why your radiant charms should wring Such tears from out these sad, wan eyes, such moaning and such sor- rowing? It’s quite the thing! You wonder why my soul’s forlorn and saddened by the lure of you; Why laughter’s fled from all my days, together with the sun? What though despair’s illogical, in view that I am sure of you? It’s always done! You marvel that for your dear sake I’d go through deaths uncount- able, And laugh my way through tortures just to win a smile from you? You wonder I should promise this? The reason’s insurmountable: I always do! WHAT HE GOT “Kissing in the street is prohibited. Blank got punished for it.” “What did he get?” “Married.” << 4 The First of the Month—Sending out the Christmas bills. Take Your Sheep Away By Homer Croy R. ERNEST M. VAUGHN of Brooklyn has discovered that in- jections from the thyroid gland of a sheep are of great assistance in help- ing a person to think. We don’t question the learned doc- tor’s assertion, as we wouldn’t know a thyroid gland if we met it in a tele- phone booth, but we do know some- thing about the mental habits of a sheep—and a sheep is the last thing in the world we would want to do our thinking for us. In our younger days in Missouri we raised sheep, and we know something about their mental processes. Their thyroid glands may be all right, and we do not wish to cast any reflection on them, but we could never get up any enthusiasm over their brains. You could put their whole mental equipment in the between the rails in the direction it was going. Back it rolls its white marble eyes and begins to go ba-baa- baaaaaa and to shake its tail in the cowcatcher’s face... . The engineer closes his eyes—and the next the sheep knows it has gone to join the little shepherd of the kingdom come. The section boss comes along, makes a few notes and the incident is closed. All that is left are a few official figures at divisional headquarters and a greasy smell about fifty yards beyond Clear Crick Bend. No, indeed, when we want some- thing injected into us to help us think, we will never inconvenience a sheep. We prefer to go along just as we are. TAKING IT BACK “The spoken word—who can recap- ture it?” “Well, a Congressman can move to strike it out.” A depositor in the First National Bank. back of your watch and barely grease the guarantee. If a sheep is walking down the rail- road track, and a train turns the bend and comes upon it at the rate of sixty miles an hour, does the sheep step gracefully to one side and say, “You first’? No, indeed. It cocks an eye back over its head and starts down the track in a gentle trot. The engineer rings and whistles, but the sheep merely begins to move a little faster. The engineer opens the whistle, but does the sheep take the hint? Not much. He begins to bleat and shake his tail, but keeps right on down the track towards Kansas City. The engineer turns the whistle wrong-side out and cracks it around his head, but the sheep only begins to gallop. There are thirty yards of good solid ground on either side of the track, but no! The sheep must keep right on THAT’S DIFFERENT “Senator, what are you worrying over?” “An urgent deficiency bill.” “TI wouldn’t let the affairs of state harass me like that.” “This is one my wife handed me.” THE QUESTION Passerby—What are you staring at, little boy? Willie Willis—Pa just fell down that manhole. “Why don’t you holler for help?” “I dunno whether it was an accident or whether he was duckin’ somebody he owed.” OF COURSE “Do you think it pays to marry for money?” “ "Yes—if you are sure you can get it!” comicbooks.com