Judge — November 12, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Dolling Up the Tractor “Is your boy making himself use- ful on the farm since he got out of college?” “Not yet,” said Mr. Cobbles, “but I’ve painted the tractor a bright red, put a big horn on it and hung a license tag at the rear, and I’m hoping that after a while I’ll be able to persuade Sam to drive it occasion- ally instead of a sport car.”—Bir- mingham Age-Herald. A CHANGE OF SpiRIT—“Crimson Gulch has quieted down since the old days.” “Yes,” replied Cactus Joe. “One of the boys got ambitious the other day and started to shoot up the town.” “What was the result?” “All the boys rushed from the soda fountain and wanted to know whose tire had blown out, and whether they couldn’t help fix it.”’—Washington Star. OPTIMISTIC THOUGHT — There’s one nice thing about your enemies: They never borrow money from you. —Linn County (Mo.) Budget. (4) < “No. No oysters, lady, only cockles and whelks. We only ’as oysters when there’s a R in the month. “R in the month? And ’ow do you spell Orgust?”—London Opinion. =< x SSS “Anatole, somebody's knocking.” “Don’t answer, then they'll think we are on the Riviera!”"—Le Pele-Mele. Know A Lot or ’EM—“He should have paid more attention to his arithmetic when he was in school.” “Why?” “He could have counted his golf score properly.”—Louisville Courier- Journal. HER PREROGATIVE — Heck—Have you decided what you are going to call the baby, old man? Peck—Yes; I’m going to call him whatever my wife names him.—Bos- ton Transcript. Twice GuILty—“Did the traffic cop arrest you?” “Twice,” replied Mr. Chuggins. “When I couldn’t stop he arrested me for speeding, and when I finally stopped and couldn’t start, he ar- rested me for blocking traffic.”— Washington Star. CONSIDERATE—“Would you mind driving a little slower, old man?” “Not getting scared, are you?” “Oh, no, nothing like that, but I’d hate to take an unfair advantage of my life insurance company.”—New York Sun. KEEPING THE FIsH—‘“For good- ness sake,” cried Mrs. Hemmandhaw, “who in the world put that chunk of ice in the aquarium?” “TI did,” little Laura admitted. “Why in the world did you do that?” “I am doing like the man at the butcher shop.” “What do you mean?” “He always puts ice in to make the fish keep longer.”—Youngstown Telegram. Her Information “I do hope that you keep your cows in a pasture,” said Mrs. Newly- wed, as she paid the milkman. “Yess’m,” replied the milkman, “Of course we keeps them in a pas- ture.” “I’m so glad,” gushed Mrs. Newly- wed. “I have been told that pas- teurized milk is much the best ”— Detroit Free Press. A LeveL HEADED Car—Irate Mo- torist—Say, this darned car won’t climb a hill! You said it was a fine machine! Dealer—I said: “On the level it’s a good car.”—Science and Invention. SOMETIMES—A man will promise a woman or a baby anything to keep them quiet. Sometimes he delivers the goods in the case of the baby.— Russell (Kas.) Record. “Have you given up your motor?” “Yes, it was too expensive!” “I shouldn’t have thought a car was too great an expense for you.” “Oh, the car wasn’t—it was the dam- ages I had to pay to the people I ran over.”—Karikaturen (Christiania). comicbooks.com