Judge — October 29, 1921 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STOR I Cleaned While He Waited A little fellow sat on a doorstep crying bitterly. Presently a sym- pathetic old lady came along. “What’s the matter, little boy she asked. “Got my new pants covered with dust,” sobbed the boy. “But they’re clean now, dear,” con- tinued the woman. “T know they are,” wailed the lad. “Then why do you still ery, child “’Cos mother wouldn’t let me take ’em off while she beat the dust out.” —Houston Post. on” A Sad Truth “My good friends,” began a tem- perance orator in an English town, “drink is the curse of the world. All the crimes, all the wars, all the heart- aches of the universe can be laid at the door of intoxication.” He paused significantly and gazed around at his audience. “Oh, my friends,” he continued at lest, “what causes more misery than liquor? Not receiving any reply to his query, he repeated the question, add- ing: “Can anyone tell me that?” The silence was broken by the little man at the end of the hall. “Thir-r-st !”” he yelled.—Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. The Rush Senator Borah was talking about a lobbyist. “The fellow,” he said, “is as re- sourceful and persevering as the At- lantie City girl who wanted a husband. “‘That girl out there,’ an old lady said excitedly to a young man, pointing with her parasol out to sea —‘that girl out there is drowning. Why don’t you swim out and rescue her?’ “The young man addressed gave an embarrassed cough. “Well, you see, ma’am,’ he said, ‘it would hardly be good form. I rescued her yesterday.’”"—Detroit Free ES T O An Undesirable Son-in-Law “Daughter,” said the old man, sternly, “I positively forbid you marrying this young scapegrace! He is an inveterate poker player!” “But, papa,” tearfully protested Alicia Hortense, “poker playing is not such an awful habit. Why, at your own club—” “That’s where I got my informa- tion, daughter. I’ll have no daughter of mine bringing home a man that I can’t beat with a flush, a full house and fours.”—Richmond Times-Dis- patch, Posting Her The Visitor—‘My good woman, do you live in this village?” Resident—“Ay, sir.” The Visitor—‘And I suppose you know every one here?” Resident—“Ay, indeed.” The Visitor—‘Well, you can just tell them my name is Frederick Smith, and that I come from London, where I ama solicitor. That lady there is my wife, and those are my two She—You interest me strangely—as no man ever has. He—Yes! You told me that last night. . She—Oh, was it you?—London Mail. 25 Davi? TEG L children, Thomas and Elizabeth. We are having a holiday and intend stay- ing here a week. We have hired the caravan. Last week we stayed at Invercauldy.” Resident—‘Ay, sir, I kent a’ that frae ma daughter, who lives in Inver- cauldy, but she was irly disap- i caus a tell me whit yer wife’s name was afore she was marrit.”—Punch (London). the Poor was talking in Dancing for Bishop Penuhu Boston about ch “Some charities,” he said, “remind me of the cold, proud, beautiful woman, who, glittering with dia- monds, swept forth from a charity ball at dawn, crossed the frosty side- walk and entered her huge limousine. “A beggar woman whined at the window: “Could you give me a trifle for a cup of coffee, lady?’ “The woman looked at the beggar reproachfully. “Good gracious!’ she said. ‘Here you have the nerve to ask me for money when I’ve been toddling for you the whole night through! Home James.’”—Edinburgh Scotsman. Try It Weary Willie slouched into the pawnshop. “How much will you give me for this overcoat?” he asked, producing a faded but neatly mended garment. Isaac looked at it critically. “Four dollars,” he d. “Why,” cried Weary Willie, “that coat’s worth ten dollars if it’s worth a penny!” “T wouldn’t give you ten dollars for two like that,” sniffed Isaac. “Four dollars or nothing.” “Are you sure tha all it’s worth?” asked Weary Willie. “Four dollars,” repeated Isaac. “Well, here’s yer four dollar said Weary Willie. “This overcoat was hangin’ outside yer shop, and I was wonderin’ how much it was really worth.”—Los Angeles Times. comicbooks.com