Judge — October 15, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

of Goop MoNIKER—Mr. and Mrs. Jinks had come to that all-important part of naming their new baby. Mr. Jinks, who by the way, detested work, and liked nothing better than to sit in front of the fire and watch other people do it, wanted the baby named plain “Bill.” “T shall name the baby William Oliver Robert Kenneth,” she asserted. “But why all those names?” asked her husband. “Because,” replied Mrs. Jinks tartly, “if you look at the initial. ju will find that they spell ‘wor! perhaps when baby grows up he will take to it better than his father.”— Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. INFLUENCING THE DECISION — “You’re no judge of beauty.” “Think not?” “No; this is not the most beautiful infant in the baby show.” “My eye for beauty Have you seen the baby’s “No.” ‘ake a look at her.’ Courier-Journal. all right. mother?” ’—Louisville A TERRIBLE INFANT I recollect a nurse call’d Ann, Who carried me about the grass, And one fine day a fine young man Came up, and kiss’d the pretty lass. She did not make the least objection! Thinks I, “Aha! When I can talk I'll tell Mama”— —And that’s my earliest recollection. —Journal of the American Medical Association. VERSATILE—“Shades of grief!” ex- claimed the irritable bachelor. “Does your baby always cry that wa; “Oh, no, he has a very extensive repertoire,” replied the ycung father proudly. ‘In fact, he cries in a great many different ways.”—Tovwn Topics. the THE NEW ErA—“The stork has de- livered a 10-pound boy at my hous« said a caller at the office of the Chig- gersville Clarion, “I want you to put a piece about it in your paper.” “All right,” said the editor. “I'll write a snappy headline for the an- nouncement and call him a future President of the United States.” “You needn’t bother about that. His mother and her relatives have already decided that he’s going to be a motion picture star, because he has a dimple in his chin.”—Boston Tran- seript. In CourT—‘‘Why was the dog run- ning at large without a muzzle?” “Judge, since my baby came I’ve had to neglect the dog. “Well, madam, it o unusual to find a lady neglecting a dog on ac- count of a baby that I’ll just dismiss the case.””— Louisville | Courier- Journal. PATERNAL ADMIRATION — “Most wonderful baby I ever saw!” ex- claimed Mr. Meekton. “Wonderful for what?” “Courage. Doesn’t hesitate to in- terrupt Henrietta when she’s talk- ing.”—Washington Star. Larsen is having a _ lawsuit against a merchant. They met one day and the merchant said: “Well, Larsen, Justice has won!” “Well, then I shall appeal!” said Larsen.—Kasper (Stockholm). World Aumor THE GOLDEN AGE—Ethel Barry- more, apropos of a witty remark made by a young actress at a garden party, “This young lady reminds me of Ellen Terry, who was the wittiest and most tactful woman I ever knew. “T once heard a story characteristic of Miss Terry’s wit. “She was sued by her dressmaker for an unpaid bill and the case went against her. Asking to be allowed to appeal, she gave as one of her rea- sons that the judge who rendered the ion was too old to understand se, “The judge of appeals reminded her that once before, in another suit, she had complained that her case had been tried by ‘a bit of a boy.’ “*What age, may I ask, madam, do you want a judge to be?’ the judge of appeals inquired. “Your age,’ Miss Terry smilingly replied.”"—Minneapolis Tribune. which is ready FicurE THIS ONE—Irvin S. Cobb, the humorous lecturer, on a recent southern tour, stopped for dinner at atiny railway restaurant in a Missis- sippi village. “Well, uncle, what’s the bill-of- fare?” he asked the aged colored man who came from the kitchen to look after him. “De bill o’ fare,” “am ham, eggs, coffee.” “Then I'll have ham, eggs, corn bread and coffee, uncle,” said Mr. Cobb. The old waiter bowed and shuffled out. But a moment later he put his head through the doorway again. “Boss,” he said, “how ye gwine have dem eggs—blind or lookin’ at ye?”—Los Angeles Times. said the old man, cohn bread and