Judge — September 17, 1921 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ATES TULL Drawn by. S. Tousey His Hopsy: HIS LIFE, It was entirely right for Mrs. Flig- gis to want a bird bath, and entirely proper for the birds to want a bath, and entirely proper for the cat to want to eat a bird. Nevertheless it annoyed Mr. Fliggis to have Mrs. Claggis’s cat come over and lurk in the petunias and marigolds on its plump tummy. It annoyed the birds. They deserted the bird bath and left the yard and remained unbathed ab- sentecs, It was entirely legal and right for Mrs. Fliggis to have a bird bath and entirely legal and right for Mrs. Claggis to have a cat. It would have been cruel in Mrs. Claggis to keep her cat eternally cooped up in the house. It was cruel for the cat to sit in the zinnias by the bird bath and wait for edible songsters. Mr. Fliggis stewed in his own brain-pan and tried to think what he could do to win perfection out of the complex plot that confronted him. There were various things he might do: 1. He might shoot the cat, but that was against the law and would not be perfection. 2. He might have shot the birds, hut that would have made Mrs. Flig- gis weep, and that would not have heen perfection. 3. He might have had Mrs. Clag- vis arrested for allowing her cat to trespass on his property, but Mrs. THE SELF-MADE MAN WHO HAD TO GO BAREFOOT THE FIRST TEN YEARS OF Claggis was a lovely person and he did not want to hurt her feelings and have a neighborhood row, for that would not have been perfection. 4. He might have shot Mrs. Flig- gis, for then she would not care whether she had a bird bath or not, but Mr. Fliggis would have been short one (1) wife, and that would not have been perfection. 5. He might have shot Mrs. Clag- gis, for then she would not have cared whether or not she had a cat, Drawn by R. B. PULLER, “AW, QUIT YER BAWLIN’, DER WON'T HURT ANYBOD’ “H-HOW D-bO YOU KNO' ? I'VE HEARD Pa TALK ABOUT BEIN’ TH-THUNDE STRUCK!" 6 but that would have been murder, and murder is not perfection. 6. He might have written to the newspapers, but that would not have cured the cat’s appetite for birds, and nothing would have been done, and doing nothing is not perfection. 7. He might have convinced Mrs. Claggis that she ought to keep her cat indoors by day, but that would have been hard on the cat and would not have been perfection. 8. He might have sold his prop- erty and moved to lussia, but that would not have been perfection. There was but one way in which he saw he could find the perfect so- lution of his trouble with the cat, the bird bath and the birds. This was to imagine he was a squirrel and climb a tree and shoot himself. So he did it. ‘The elections, with ever date promising perfection, upon us. Let’s all climb trees. £0 crazy. I don’t know what else a sane man can do unless, perhaps, he admits that perfection is not possible in this vale of weeps, and unbuttons his shirt cuff and laughs in his sleeve. Excuse me a minute while T un- button my cuff. candi- re now Let’s Comme II] Faut By MINNA IRVING QHE shopped from morning until ‘ night And _ purchased frocks, And dainty blouses, filmy-white, And hose with clocks, and linen smocks, And negligee and boudoir caps, And hats and gloves and fans and veils, And satin pumps and fluffy wraps, And summer furs with heads an! tails. silk and cotton She bought some gorgeous sweaters, too, The kind on which a woman dotes, Rose, purple, orange, green, and blue, And several lacy petticoats, And went where salty breezes blow And yachts across the billows scoot, And all the liveleng season, lo! Wore nothing but her bathing-suit. Retributive Justice When those Antis ran for oftice Did they get it? No such stuff! They put them out, with noisy shout, Hach angry little Suff. Nice Distinction A fishing rod is what you fish for fish with; a fish-pole is what you catch ‘em with.