Judge — September 17, 1921 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by Rarksvate Roaers. She The Fane On, GooN! 1 “But I tell you, I've got to take the dog home and—” “We'll take the dog along to court fer a witness.” “Like h—I we will!” Dave was wondering how much the fine would he for assaulting an officer. If he really had to go to court he might as well— “Yes, si you comin’?” “Lock here,” said Dave curbing his anger, “can’t you serve me with a summons or something, so that I could go into court to-morrow or next day instead of to-day?” “Well, I could; but I ain’t a-going You’re coming to court with As he spoke, he the arsenal police Just like that. Are to. me right now.” faced toward station. Reluctantly Mitchell put Tiny into his pocket and followed his torment- or to the eastward. At the ionhouse, he was sol- emnly questioned. The business-like routine seemed perfectly arranged for the punishment of owners of un- muzzled dogs. His wife’s laughter when he in- formed her over the telephone of his predicament was not calculated to restore any sense of the high cour- age with which he had started out. “Oh, Dave,” she giggled, “how funny you must look!” “T do,” he growled and hung up. At the court Dave saw two tramps committed to the Workhouse, three shoplifters sent to a reformatory and two girls placed on probation for be- ing without visible means of support. Then came his turn. Patrolman Murphy presented his complaint and told the judge ac- curately—Patrolman Murphy was ENGLAND OWNS THF FINEST DIAMOND IN THE WORLD, RALL OVER THERE. nothing if not accurate--of the cir- cumstances of the arrest, concluding triumphantly, “And here, yer Honor, here 1s the dog itself fer evidence.” He pointed toward Dave's coat pock- et with an accusing thumb. From the protecting shadow of Dave's arm, a pair of bold unblink- ing eyes stared at His Honor as if daring him to do his worst. And His Honor did it to the ex- tent of a ten dollar fine, without even cracking a smile. Dave produced the money, wonder- ing the while if he would receive a receipt that would insure him against arrest on his way home. Patrolman Murphy explained sol- emnly that it wasn’t done. Another officer approached. , Murphy, why ain’t you on I signalled vou three Drawn by P. L. Crosry. BROADWAY JAZZBO CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW A FELLOW HAS THE NERVE TO WEAR SUCH A FREAK SUIT IN PUBLIC. 10 times this morning over near Sev- entieth Street.” “I was arresting a feller,” said Murphy. “Him there, in the tan coat.” “Gosh! That big chap? Give you any trouble?” Dave lingered, thinking how he would have enj d giving Murphy “a little troubl “Oh, no,” said Murphy. “Had his dog in the park without a muzzle--.” The second policeman glared, then broke forth angrily: “What! That little rat in his pocket? My God!—and me losing Sneezing Sam with $15,000 worth of swag on him, right on your beat while you was arresting a lap dog! By gad! Murphy, why don’t you a: the Captain to detail you to curry- comb the squirrels in the park, or something? You ain’t no cop, you ain’t. You oughta be a manicurist!” Professional Parents By J. Mu.o Curct “T HARMONIZE the child,” said: “Adjust him to the ecsmic urge, Correct his tendency to dread, And save him from the scourge.” one “T stir the ethic consciousness,” Said one in surpliced elegance; “Declaim about his sinfulness, Explain his only chance.” “And I correct environment; a I make his nursery a dream, Providing some emolient If he should chance to scream.” “And I conserve the wonder-s A spectacled professor cried, “I drive the foolish teacher hence, And all her words deride.” “I cleanse the blood,” the doctor said, “Give him gymnastic exercise, Direct how oft he should be fed, Expel the deadly flies.” The parents sit disconsolate; They grumble in their bowers, And whisper, fearfully sedate; “We thought the child was ours!” urban S-adder A weeping willow and a quaking asp Once argued as to which was sadder ; But a crawling snake disproved them both, For he lay like an S, and was an Adder. At the Tailor’s “Do you believe mar is made of dust?” “Well, not all of them. ways settles. Dust al- Some men don’t.”