Judge — September 3, 1921 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IMITATION Toc REAL—“My little girl is very clever,” said a woman to her guests. “She can imitate almost anyone.” “She can indeed!” echoed the hus- band proudly. “Come, my dear, show us what you can do. Pretend to be the housemaid.” The little girl bowed to one of the guests. “Will you take any more chicken, ma’am, or a little more beef?” she asked politely. Then she turned to another. “Shall I put the screen before your chair, ma’am?” she inquired. “The fire is very fierce.” At this the guests were greatly amused. “Go on, my dear,” chuckled the proud father. Backing away from her parents, she exclaimed in a terrified tone. “Sir, let me go! Don’t touch me, sir! Give you a kiss, indeed! Sup- posing missus was to hear you?” Then the clever little darling was suddenly bundled out of the room. —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph. CLEANING IT Up—In a neighbor’s house, not long since, little Georgie for the first time saw a face vibrator. At home, shortly afterward, the youngster said: No Piker With His Information Inquisitive Old Gentleman—How OLD ARE YOU, MY LITTLE FRIEND? Little Friend—I AM FIVE, NEARLY SIX. My FATHER IS A BANK DIRECTOR AND MY MOTHER ONCE KEPT A SHOP. WE NOW LIVE AT THE Grand HOTEL, UNCLE Lives AT LANGHOLM AND AUNT IS DEAD. NOW, HOW OLD ARE YOU YOURSELF, OLD SNOOPERQUIZ?—Kasper (Stockholm). |, Member o, I WANT TO RUN TO THE STATION TO PAY SOME MONEY I OWE TO A 0 AMERICA! . Judge--EXcuseD; I DON’T WANT SUCH LIARS ON THE JURY!~-London Mail. “Mrs. Umson’s face must get aw- ful dirty, mother.” “Why do you think mother asked. “Because,” replied Georgie, “while I was there I saw her trying to fix it up with a vacuum cleaner.” —Youngs- town Telegram. that?” the MutTeE!—Little Jacky—Look, moth- er! that bull-dog looks like Aunt Fmily. Mother—Hush, such things. “Well, mamma, the dog can’t hear it.’—Boston Globe. child! Don’t say SPIRITUAL TRAINING—The Pastor —You seem a bright and dutiful child. I presume your dear mother attends to your spiritual training. Little Jimmie—You said it! She spanks me with her ouija board.— Houston Post. POLITENESS—Dickie’s father was shocked to see his son kick his little playmate. “Why did you kick John?” he asked, severely. “T am tired of playing with him. I want him to go home,” was Dickie’s answer. “Then why didn’t you ask him to go home?” “Oh”—it was Dickie’s turn to be shocked—“why, daddy, that wouldn’t be polite!”—Harper’s Magazine. MopDERN MoTHER—“But when you are traveling away from your little boy who reads his prayers to him?” “Oh, that’s all right. We have his evening prayer on the gramophone.” —Striz (Stockholm). 28 NorHinc—“Algy is in love with a movie actr “Well, at hat it’s a harmless ob- ion. He can sit there and wor- p her for twenty cents an evening. What could be cheaper ?”-~ Louisvillé Courier-Journal, A DISTURBING FAcToR—“Doesn’t it make you nervous to see the leading man kissing your wife?” “Sometimes it does,’ said the di- rector, who was also the husband of the beauteous star, “but I’m a strong, believer in art for art’s sake. Rather than deprive movie patrons of a single thrill I’d turn my back and let the fellow do it right.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. PRooF CONCLUSIVE—I know that to be actually aristocratic a dowager must gaze coldly through a lorgnette; That as soon as a poor working girl becomes prosperous she must proclaim her good fortune to the world via aigrets in her coiffure; That a lady’s maid must resemble a recruit from a Ziegfeld show; That all mountain lassies and country girls have perfect marcel ‘waves; That a damsel in distress can weep gallons of tears and never resort to the use of a handkerchief. All this I know is true because, Dear Heart, “In the Movies They Do It."—Columbus Dispatch. comicbooks.com