Judge — September 3, 1921 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Elizabeth, I Don’t Under- stand You! By Mark L. DRAKE DeoNt think I’m finding fault with her, She is my dear old pal; I love her when she’s all laid up, Or when she’s running well. Sometimes she starts to cough and sneeze ; This, evil does forbode; 1 hurry her to Doctor Quack, Les’ she die on the road. I say, “Dear Doc, now can you tell What ails poor 'Lizabeth? She has a strange internal sound, And oh, just smell her breath!” I find the doctors disagree As to what’s ailing her. Though all agree, if she were well, She’d have a gentle purr. One says, “You'll find the trouble is Beneath her rat’ling hood. A dose of Johnson’s physic sure Would do a world of good.” Another says, “If you will part With twenty bucks or more, We'll operate upon her then, Just sort of to explore.” They tell me every gear and joint Is broken, worn, or lost, And they can make her good as new, If I can pay the cost. Drawn by Paut Retr. And when they have her all apart From crank to rear-end gear, They whisper, ‘How she ran at all Is very, very queer.” And when I get poor Lizzy back, I find my bill is double; And when I go out for a spin, She has the same old trouble. But, oh, I’m sick, and sad, and blue, And mad, and everything! I find I could have fixed her with A ten-cent timer spring. Page a Specialist for Pa By HELEN HYSELL HE could not understand why his daughter was not popular with young men. His daughter had been expensively educated. She could play excerpts from the classics and her jazz was full of zip. She could coax a steak to the proper shade’ of tenderness and her desserts were perfect. Her conversation was intelligent; she could discuss economics, base- ball and love-lyrics. She had a‘ clever gift at repartee and there were mo- ments when she was wise enough to be silent. Her clothes were in good taste, she was perfectly proportioned, she was schooled in, manners. Spiritually, she was broad-minded and clear- headed. He could not understand why his daughter was not popular with young men... . When suitors satisfactory ap- LN Vy eee AUALAG Mire " aay Nee 16 peared at his home, he always spent the evening with his daughter and her visitors, trying to make himself agreeable. He never so much as nodded in his comfortable chair. And he could not understand, could never understand—why his daughter was not popular with young men. Egg View News-Notes By LESLIE VAN EVERY THE Woman’s Social Elite Club held a smoker at the home of Wednesday Miss Edgin, night. Phrony Truman Bilge’s mule attended an illustrated lecture on “Co-operation and Harmony,” delivered by Truman in his back yard Monday. The illus- trations were furnished by a long, slim club. Having his mind on some recollec- tions yesterday, Plato Prouty asked Sherm Spoor if he ever stopped and looked back; but Plato didn’t get any further with his question, because Sherm, who must of been thinking about short skirts and things, an- swered Plato short off by saying that he didn’t if his wife was along. Higher Mathematics Teacher—Don’t you know that when you take something away from something, less will remain? Infant Einstein—How about the two ends of a stick? Cut ’em both off and it still has two ends left. LP Lee atl a = A RabicaL IpyLi: Tis “LittLe Rep” ScHOOoLHOUsE. comicbooks.com