Judge — August 27, 1921 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drawn by CLIFTON MEEK. “THE REAL Estate AGENT TOLD ME WHEN I BOUGHT THE PLACE THAT THIS WAS A NEVER-FAILING SPRING. WHY, IT’S BONE-DRY!” “WELL IT’S NEVER-FAILED TO GO BONE-DRY EVERY SUMMER OF THE FORTY- ODD YEARS I KIN REMEMBER IT.” not a Prophet, but if we were Mr. Lodge or any other long dis- tance Statesman, we would say to our countrymen: “We have served you long and we are no less tired of you than you are of us. Now see if you can get along without us.” Having said this we’d let them try it out for a season or two, and then if they couldn’t do without us, we’d come back and mislead them again, and perhaps that would be serving them right. Like all men who haven’t the time for it, Mr. Lodge has written a great deal. Amongst other His- torical Volumes, he wrote a book called “One Hun- dred Years of Peace.” The book was published in 1918, a year before the Great War that did so much to make Mr. Lodge as prominent as the re- cent Hohenzollern Benevolent Society. Something might be said about this seeming coincidence, but that is not our business. It has been merely our pleasant duty to praise Mr. Lodge. A Magic Phrase By Epwarp S. VAN ZILE "THE French Academy of Science is taking up se- riously the question of how to be happy though gloomy. A little group of believers in autosugges- tion as a pocket cure for all the ills of life is en- deavoring to convince the French people that any- body can be as joyous as a lark by imitating the lark’s vocal activities. All that is necessary, ac- cording to certain French experts in the theory and practice of autosuggestion, for the down- hearted to get gay and remain ga to repeat out loud forty times a day the phra: “T never felt better in all my life, all things considered.” It looks easy, doesn’t it? You may be suffering from a toothache or your landlord may be clamor- ing for the rent, perhaps your best girl may have eloped with your best friend,—but why worry? You’ve got a panacea for the ills that afflict you at your tongue’s end. Just jolly yourself along! You never felt better in all your life. You really enjoy merely a pleasant incentive to further social gay- ety upon your part. The late lamented Jack London attributed the world-wide popularity of John Barleycorn to the fact that the latter is the greatest of all liars. The cocktail or the highball enabled the despond- ent to listen to non-existent voices that promised him all the kingdoms of the earth. But autosug- gestion possesses many advantages over John Barleycorn as a teller of fairy-tales to the down- hearted. It costs you nothing, there is no hang- over attached to it, and it’s not likely to land you in jail. The phrase: “I never felt better in all my life,” is an open sesame to happiness, specially well adapted to an era of prohibition. It is a sort of mental flask that you always carry with you, that you can never find empty, that cheers but not inebriates, and does you no especial harm if you go to extremes in its use. You can’t get a jag from autosuggestion, but forty times a day, if you follow the French sys- tem, you can make John Barleycorn look like a piker anda liar. Begin now! As you finish read- ing this little essay, just say to yourself: “I never felt better in all my life.” By so doing, you will pay a compliment to the writer, and will take the first step toward a non-alcoholic paradise where the wicked cease from bubbling and the weary yank the yeast. Use Your Head On This Larger hats, says a well-known milliner, mean longer gowns; smaller hats mean shorter gowns —and the hats are growing smaller! an aching tooth, an insistent landlord is amusing and exhilarating, and the loss of a best girl is Prawn by R. BR. FULLER. NIGHTMARE. OF A CROSS-COUNTRY FLIER.