Judge — July 30, 1921 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The House of Glass By Georce Mitcuett HEN little Montague Glass was W born he held in one chubby fist a morsel of potash and in the other a bit of Mother of Pearl, at which the doctor who had gathered at his crib- side muttered. “What is?” he cried in unison. “Y’understand, Mawruss,” replied the embryonic novelist-playwright, ‘‘I got it to write some stage plays and already I have to have it my cast of characters.” Thus was the cloak and suit business firmly established for all time. Little Montague grew up and up, as children will, and the little glass child dis- played in this department of life that same determination to succeed that later marked his many efforts. He grew large. He is today probably the largest piece of glass that has ever passed a given point. One day when his nurse wasn’t looking at anything but a policeman, little Mon- tague ran away from her watchfulness and took to the law. He applied himself so diligently that after a while he felt that he could never understand it and so he was awarded a couple of medals and a diploma. With these in hand he went forth and got a job with a firm that handled the disputes that arise from the cloak and suit trade of which Montague knew there was a-plenty to keep him busy. All of this was de- cidedly to our advantage, for out of it grew the smiling faces of our friends Abe and Mawruss. When first we read the Potash-Pearl- mutterie we hadn’t met up with Mr. Glass and we were curious, as who isn’t, to know what he resembled, and so we made a mental photograph of him We saw a shrewd-iaced, bewhiskered, back-bent little man of Semitic cast, whose keen eyes looked down along a Williams- Drawn by A. T. Merrick FLORISTS MIGHT DO A LITTLE EXTRA PROFITEERING THIS WAY. bridge nose and who gesticulated wildly as one who sells an ill-fitting Prince Albert, the while he calls one’s attention .to the silkiness and nobbiness of the button- holes. Subsequently, when we met him, we were chagrined to find a man who looked no more like our mental picture of him than an Irish wedding. Then we thought someone had foxed us. If this is Glass, we thought, he didn’t write the Potasherie at all. We took into consideration his bulk; his sleek, well-fed appearance; his girth; his satisfied smile and we came to the conclusion that he conducted a column for a Culinary Mag- azine. Then we looked him over once more—by and large—and we made another guess. We saw the winning smile and the subtle vampishness of personality and then we thought: Here is the original “ Ladies’ Home Companion.” Then we dropped in at the Salmagundi Drawn by Curster I. Ganve “On, Loox, Musaty! THERE’S A LADY WITH HER LEGS ON UPSIDE DOWN.” 15 and we ran up on his lea shore and met a modest man who is running neck and neck with Rockefeller and causing that poor young man considerable alarm lest he lose the presidency of the Financial Fraternity of the World. Hitherto, Montague has been collabo- rated against and has had to share with his dramatist, but this year he promises to shoot out a new pair of antlers and dramatize with all the wilfulness of the Theatre: Montague Glass is in his heaven, all’s right with the Stage. Egg View News-Notes By Lesue Van Every A stranger dropped in on Erny Neff, our barber, yesterday while Erny was working on Nehemiah Knobrick. The incident provided Erny with the long- yearned-for opportunity to use the expres- sion “Next!” The new cigar-winning game in the grocery is keeping Sherm Spoor from his job and his meals. Myrt, his wife, has decided that Sherm would rather see the dice roll than a bank-roll. Revenge I like to give a party And, shuffling names about, With satisfaction hearty Leave certain people out. The Penalty of Politeness Mother—Bobby, you may take your choice of the apples. Bobby—But, mamma, I don’t want the littlest one. Sacrifice “Mrs. Rockaplenty, we are get- ting up a missionary barrel for the heathen. Have you anything you could contribute?” “Why certainly. I have a very good lorgnette I no longer use be- cause it has gone out of style.” comicbooks.com