Judge — July 30, 1921 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

But vists g in few dern ria able \ina- traw the ring ange rries ota- the J gin- ] sing | isily | DOYS | le to | ach | eep mn. eek Ling Youn Send a ‘COME Soow WITH THE WIFE AND KIDDIES FOR A LONG visIT” si'p te Seth Stout. He won't, The Rejection of This Manuscript— By Dow Hero Illuminated by Tue, Autnor VERY three weeks I get a printed slip from Charlie Wiblex which says ‘‘WE WANT TO HAVE YOU AND THE MRS, UP TO DINNER REAL soon Charlie used to pull this remark on me about once every three weeks when we worked in the same office. He never did ask us up to dinner, because their maid had just left, or they were just breaking in a new maid, or the baby was sick, or something. But it was nice to have him think of asking us. I learned to expect it from Charlie. So when he took another job uptown, I sent him 50 of these printed slips and asked him to mail me one regularly every three weeks. One has to keep up these human relationship: On every Friday, I get a printed slip from Art Stupens which reads: “By GEORGE, WE MUST HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER ONE DAY NEXT V 4 Iprovided Art with 50 of these slips. I send him one every Friday We never do have lunch together, but our intentions are good. When I go away on a business trip, I always leave my wife a supply of printed slips which read ‘‘EveryTHING 0. K. Wish I WERE HOME. Love AND kisses.” I instruct her to take one down off the shelf each day and read it, and to think how thoughtful and systematic I am. I take with me, in my bill book, a little bunch of printed slips which read “EVERYTHING O. BABY WELL. NO IMPORTANT MAIL. HURRY HOME. Love AND kisses.” I take one of these out of my bill book every day and read it. Dear little wife. To Harry Hungen I send on every second Thursday a printed slip which says ‘‘SorRY, OLD MAN, BUT I DON’T HAPPEN TO HAVE A CENT ON ME JUST AT THIS TIME. IF I HAD A DOLLAR, YOU’D CERTAINLY BE WEL- coME TO 1T.”” This saves Harry his regular bi-weekly trip’ to my office, saves my time, and saves my dollar. How I would miss my system of slips! I am kind, thoughtful, con- siderate, and courteous with my slips. Why, I won my present wife with asystem of multigraphed letters; she was my seventh sweetheart; I had found, along about the third sweetheart, that I was writing the same line of love letters to her that I had written to my two previous sweethearts, so I, looking forward to innumerable affairs, had my love letters multi- graphed and numbered from 1 to 1,000, and had my secretary mail one every day, special delivery on Sunday. Saved worlds of time. No use to repeat oneself in love affairs, or in the small affairs of life—or rather, there is no use not to repeat oneself. You see, long ago I arrived at the conclusion that life is largely the same thing over and over again. You may regard this as a sour and Pessimistic attitude. But, no, somehow I am not sour and pessimistic. I believe in most everything. I believe especially in the kindnesses and thoughtfulnesses of life. Anyone less sweet than I would not bother about slips and forms as I do. Where did I get the idea? From the magazines, in the old days. “The rejection of this manuscript—"etc. , also. n Now that I never have a manuscript returned from any magazine, I have a slip to take care of that, also. I must not allow myself to grow conceited. One week after I send a manuscript te a magazine, I mail myself a little blue slip which reads *‘“THE ACCEPTANCE OF A MANUSCRIPT BY A MAGAZINE DOES NOT IMPLY MERIT.” This is fully as depressing as the slips I used to get from the maga- zine editors themselves. In Blackface Subscriber—Y our newspaper prints some wild _ stories. Editor—Think so? Well, you ought to see some of the stuff we don’t print. The Gourmandarin There was an old glutton, named Hyde, Who ate Chinese food till he died. The coroner said, “How he must have fed! A plain case of chop-sueycide!” i} | | \ EizaBETH By Joux Hex, Jr. axp Groror Mrronrut Wuen Lizzie RuLeD THE FAR-FAMED British Empire To VAMPISH EXCELLENCE SHE DID ASPIRE. Sir WatTer RALEIGH, WE’VE BEEN TOLD, ALL BUT CAUGHT HIS DEATH OF COLD ‘THAT SHE MIGHT KEEP HER TOOTSIES FROM THE MIRE.