Judge — July 16, 1921 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Salt in the Sugar-Bowl By Barret. Looms HE was motivated, He retaliated, Till the neighbors stated They knew they must be mated, Tongues so dehydrated Never are related, He blew her up, elated, She became inflated, She excoriated, He, infuriated, Her repudiated; But in the end By some God-send Their wrongs they palliated And they reconjugated. Three Men and a Hat By L. B, Brrvsaut HE short, red-headed man and the tall, dark man arose from their respective tables and grabbed for the straw hat simul- taneously, then stood glaring at each other. “I beg your pardon, but this is my hat!”” stated the short, red-headed man, de- isively. “TI beg your pardon, but it is my hat!” retorted the tall, dark man, just as de- cisively. “Tf you'll take the trouble to look, under the inside band you will see my name, Jack Renault,” stated the short, red- headed man in truculent tones. “If you will take the trouble to look under the band you will see my name, Drawn by Banxspace Rocers He~You a She—On, Jack! He—You REIGN ALONE IN MY HEART! She—Daxuinc! He—Witu you at My stpe I couLD WEATHER ANY STORM! She—Jack, 1S THIS A PROPOSAL OR A WEATHER REPORT? THE SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE! Drawn by Ganvven O. Rea ELEVATORS PPOSIT! Proressor Mupptewitts ABsENnT- MINDEDLY SumMoNs THE ELEvator. William Anderson,” asserted the tall, dark man in equally belligerent tones. The short, red-headed man and the tall, dark man lifted the band simultaneously, then looked at each other in unfeigned surprise. The name under the band was Parmenas Parker. Simultaneously, the short, red-headed man and the tall, dark man started to apologize but there came an interruption in the form of a huge, square-shouldered man with a wilted collar. “Whatinell you doin’ with my hat?” he bellowed, unceremoniously grabbing the trouble-making straw. “I’ve been looking for this hat for five minutes!” Before%either the short, red-headed man or the tall, dark man could answer, the huge, square-shouldered man had turned and was lumbering through the door of the restaurant. “Do you know that man?” the short, red - headed man and the tall, dark man asked a grinning waiter, si- multaneously. “Sure, I do!” answered the waiter. “He eats here regular — his name is Harry Flan- nigan.”” A Weigh with It Anounce of tomor- row is worth a pound of yesterday. Impressive “They say the President obeys his doctor implicitly.” “It’s this way. An ordinary doctor is impressive.” “Well?” “And thisone is also aBrigadier-General.” Solomon By Epwarp E. A. Fritz HE wisest man who ever lived had a thousand wives, and because he was wise he got away with it. Nowadays, if you have two at the same time you go to jail. And if they don’t send after you, you go voluntarily. Solomon had a great eye for curves and batted 1,000 in the Matrimonial League. He used to celebrate four wedding an- niversaries every week: on Monday a silver anniversary for Maggie, on Wednes- day a wooden wedding for Gertie and so forth and so on. In fact the “‘and so forths” filled the best part of Sol’s life, but whenever he had a spare day he would go out and get married as a sort of outing. When we consider trying to run three stenographers, or two telephone operators, or one wife, we remove our hat every time we think of Solomon, but we are skeptical as to whether the historian didn’t make a mistake or something when he measured up an even thousand for him. He might have had a thousand of something—maybe it was fleas—but the average man can’t conceive of getting a thousand pieces of advice every time he leaves the house. It seems like a typographical error, or maybe: the historian put it in to make it more! exciting. ‘ Just how he camped out at night in the, dormitory is also quite a problem. Un- doubtedly he bad five hundred twin beds and a single. For fear of getting too deep into in- quisitive speculation we will accede to Sol all his wisdom and let it go at that, for although we've spoken of those 1,000 lawful wives, we’ve said nothing about his 400 lady friends; we don’t believe in gossip! And there was Sheba! Hard Stuff Teacher—Billee, define an expatriate. Billee—An expatriate is a man who deserts his country for a drink.