Judge — June 25, 1921 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Drown by Jaurs Hawwox Miss Skeetor—Twene’s tuat Mr. Morn ati uit cr Line Miss Fly—Yes, THEY SAY THAT SINCE PROMIRITION WENT EAT ANYTHING BUT HIP-POCKETS A FIREFLY INTO EFFECT, HE won't Lipstick Island: A South Sea Romeomance uthor of “The Purp this: Once wrecked island. let Or. Y scheme was we were safely on the — deserted me and May, I would Nature take its course. if not Nature, Fiction. The tempting tropic moon would get into her system—and mangoes—perhaps even malaria. Of course she would prob. ably hate me at first—or pretend to; but. sooner or later would come Love, or the flapper’s equivalent. “Stop, Ned! Don’t light the signal fire. Let the ship pass by and leave us, alone in this beautiful pink paradise, forgotted by the world. Surely we are married, in the sight of God!" Well, I got her aboard the yacht all right, May the Flap and her black satin Aunt; and off we started, yo-heave-ho on our cruise in the blue Pacific, For a year, regularly every Friday, May had refused my hand. She might refuse my whole arm, for all I cared, now. The only thing that worried me was my Sailing Master. Ere we passed Hawaii, and the spicy odor of ukuleles had faded in the distance, I had caught him in the starlight, cling ing to May like an octopus. They didn’t mind — the chaperone. May's aunt, so long as she had her knitting and her box of cigars, was deaf, dumb and cross-eyed. Ex- cept for kicking the Skipper down into the cabin, I was too proud to notice_ Draws by RB, Foun By Gr BurGess Core,” “Goops and Hor to Be Them,” the episode. May would soon forget him. Despite this fussing, the Skipper agreed, with seeming willingtude, to my plan fo: mock mutiny. When we sighted Lipstick Island, I was seized by the crew and dropped into a boat with a box of biscuits, a few tools, and a black eye. May fol- lowed, screaming like an octohedroid in a yellow gown. Besides this, all she had was a lipstick and a conniption fit. 1, however, had concealed in my hair a re volver and a pair of binoculars. The yacht steamed off and left us afloat in a night as dark as a coal-heaver’s ears I rowed for the island while May pinched me in the small of my neck Near-sighted though I was, I beached the boat safely and carried May and her hysterics to the shore. Mysterious palms came right down to the beach and gazed at us curiously, but said nothing—it was too dark. Faintly I could hear the clams sing- ing their little ones to sleep. All night May wept—long, low-heeled sobs, frica- seed with childish curses, NIGHTMARE OF A MODEST MAN AFTER A DAY AT THE BEACH, 5 ¢ You a Bromic “dr, In the morning, after I had waked up May and my foot, she gave me a piece of her mind about five fect square. If we were to be marooned, she was to be the President of Lipstick Island. I was to snare manges, hunt wild clams, chaperone the fire, and sleep with the hyenas, if any She hoped there were. I tried to build her a hut, but she had to finish it—and the end of her thumb—with the hatchet. Luckily, although it Autumn, there was a Spring near by. While May and her grouch sulked on the beach, I explored our new home. About two miles long, the island was, and richly whiskered with jungles. In_ the stomach of the island, so to speak, there wasa highridge. From there I could see the yacht standing by in the offing. Ha-ha, said It. The Skipper won't be back fora month, a month, and then I'll have won me bride! was Next morning, while May was, as I thought, comatose in her new flat, I in dulged in a modest swim, When I dressed, she was far up the beach, walking But where in the world were my eye- glasses? All that day I spent in myopic misery. 1 couldn't any thing more than six feet away, except the palm trees. But May the Flap, when she returned, seemed happier. Fool! 1 thought that Love had already arriven! The third day (counting from the as if to a bargain sale. one! see