Judge — June 25, 1921 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Digest of Twice Guilty—“ Did the traffic cop ar- rest you?” “Twice,” replied Mr. Chuggins. “When I couldn't stop he arrested me for speed- ing, and when I finally stopped and could- n't start, he arrested me for blocking traffic." —Washington Star. A Remedy—“My wife has a terrible memory.” “What do you mean?” “Oh, she can’t remember anything a day after it happens.” “Ah, a sad case—why don’t you give her a flivver?” “What for?” “Why, to jog her memory.”—Florida Times-Union. His Substitute—Mrs. Pester—Titus Wadde may be stingy, but he’s good to his family. I never see him out in his car with- out his baby. Her Husband—That’s to save the price ofa horn, All he has to do is to pinch the kid and he lets out a howl.—Boston Globe. The Cup of Tantalus—“What’s the good of wealth?” “What indeed? I have four automo- biles and the doctor says I must walk to and from the office.” —Boston Transcript. Have a Plan—“Formulate some plan in dodging automobiles.”” “Huh?” “Either plunge straight ahead or dart back. But don’t try to combine both methods.” —Louisville Courier-Journal, Help Wanted—A motorist came upon another whose machine had broken down on the road. In the disabled car sat a woman, “Need any assistance?” inquired the newcomer courteously. The other man lifted his flushed and grimy face from under the hood. “Yes,” he replied, “I wish you'd answer my wife's questions while I’m fixing this infernal engine.” —Boston Transcript. “Sir, YOUR UNCLE HAS LEFT you some- THING IN WIS WILL—A PLACE IN IIIS FAMILY vautr.”—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). He Couldn't Ha’ Stood That— “Remember Job—he was the most patient man who ever lived.’ “Yes, but don’t forget one thing.” “What is that?” “He never had to ride ten miles ona flat tire with a quarrelsome wife.”—Florida Times-Union Hard to Please a Second Lieut. “Way pIDN'T YoU SALUTE ME WHEN you Passe?” “L sar ‘WeLto!’ LIEUTENANT, BUT PER- wars you pwy’r wear Me!”—Alods Hans (Copenhagen). 7 Strong on Appetite—“ Why did you discharge that splendid cook you had?” “Tt was the only way to get our guests to go home.” —Boston Transcript. Modern Way— Anicker—How in the name of the seven wonders of the world do you manage to hang on so long to the same cook? Bocker—She's a golf fiend, and my wife and she play every day to see whose day off it is.— Houston Post. Called Down— hat new floorwalker gets on my nerves,” said Estelle, at the handkerchief counter. “Mine, too,” said Bertha, the gloves saleslady. “Thinks because a poor girl has to earn her own living, she’s a slave. yeah, a slave. I gave him a piece of my mind this morning.” “What did you say?” “He strolls up an’ says, ‘Miss Burke, show a little more interest in the cus- tomers, please,’ an’ I upped an’ told hin we wasn’t staging a department store scene an’ he wasn’t no movie director.” — Birmingham Age-Herald. Original Idea—A Japanese “boy” came to the home of a minister in Los Angeles recently and applied for a position Now it happened that the house was already well supplied with servants, so the minister's wife said, “I am sorry, but we really haven't enough work to keep another boy bus: Madame,” said the Oriental politely, “Tam sure that you must have. You may not know what a little bit of work it takes to keep me employed.”—Christian Regis- ter, Culinary =Temperament—“ Charley dear,” said Young Mrs. Torkins, “the new cook is going to leave unless you quit playing the phonograph. “Doesn't she like music “Yes. But she says those jazz records set so rapid a tempo she forgets herself and works three or four times as fast as her wages call for.”—Washington Star.