Judge — June 18, 1921 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Vicious Handful By Wusow J. Westuenner: UCIEN surveyed the club sand- wich that lay before him. In- stinct warned him that the cyes of every person in the café were focused on the table where he sat, as he prepared to do battle with the world’s most clusive delicacy. All of the tricks of the species were known to him, Especially was he aware of its skidding propensities, when one applied one’s knife and fork to its crusty exterior. Suddenly he felt brave. The pry ing eyes of others were forgotten Lucien had determined to cast aside the customary utensils and eat with the easy freedom of his cave ances tors. He was going to attack those three stories of lunch with his fingers. Carefully he gathered it up and with even more caution conveyed it to his mouth, A wave of relief swept over him, as the toasted bread touched his lips. Then he applied pressure, slightly at first, and then harder. His tongue searched for chicken, bacon and lettuce, but in vain. The contents of his three story lunch container had walked serenely out the back door and was repos- ing in his lap The Whole Problem Willis—What is the solution of our pres- ent industrial chaos? Gillis yor must come down, Capital must come across, Efficiency must come up, and Taxes must come off. Unaccommodating Benson—Why is Hemmingway so un- popular with his neighbors? Beneley—He won't furnish when he lends them his mower. gas power lawn RO. FUURe. Draven by R. B. Fouen Usuuxe Extuustiasts Drawn by Ganoxen O. Res Satiety By L. LOOKED into her violet eyes And there I saw amused surpris Which caused my manly fears to rise “She laughs at me,” I quick surmise; “Ts it the way I tie my ties, Or can it be my fearful size? Tell me!” I plead, “Tell me no lies; What's wrong, sweet maid? Please put me wise She smiles a smile like sunlit skies And laughs with glee as she replies: “T've seen a lotta funny guys Since I’ve been serving raisin pies, But, bo! you sure do take the prize You just ate three big juicy flies!” “Cruel maid!” I moan, “my B. Birpsatn hunger dies! Willie—It’s as coop as corn’ to TH’ Fouutes, Ma. uw THE BELATED PATERNAL COMPLEX WHO INSISTS ON SHOWING HIS UNBLESSED BACHELOR FRIENDS JUST HOW CUNNING THE NEW BABY IS WHEN IT CUDDLES UP TO MAMA, Getting Things Straight “SAKE this,” said the business man who prided himself greatly in his use of correct English, to his new stenog: “Jones & Robinson, comma, El Paso, Texas, period. Gentlemen, your request of the second instant is received, period, and we give below our latest quotations” “Pardon me,” said the giddy young thing, ‘do you wish the word ‘second’ or the figure as ordina “The figure as ordinal, of course,”’ re- plied the business man colon, “Do you wish ‘2-d? or ‘2-n-d’ for ‘second ’?” “Why, 2-n-d.” “All right; I get your number. You sei I won first prize in English and pune- tuation at the night school. I just live on them now; eat em up, as it were,” and she took a peep at her hand mirror. The Crash Visitor—Is that a “crash” suit that you have on, Willie Willie Willis—1 don’t know, but there’s an awful noise when pa spanks me Family Loyalty Maud—Does any- thing makeyour hus band madder than having yourrelatives for a visit? Beatrix—Yes, hav: ing his own.