Judge — May 7, 1921 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Bridegroom—I Must STEP DOWN IN THE CELLAR AND CHECK UP MY GAS METER. “OUR GAS METER, DARLING the stream, release; but a keen regret was born at the same time. mastered him, this girl, hardly more than a child “And L never even asked her,” he told himseli. me down—and I never even asked her!" She had “She turned To a Vamp By Tuomas J. Murray SRCHANCE we have been blind too long, my dear, And erstwhile did not know you were among us; We've read of your ancestors whom we fear, Were listed in the class that would have stung us; But that is past and now you have our greeting, And wines and eating. Of course you're not as wicked as you claim; We know you play down stage in all your dealings; "Tis not your fault you give a splendid game. And do your worst with check book and our feclings; You fill a long-felt want and we acclaim you, And do not blame you We always grieved that we were born too late, And knew not Thais or the Nile’s fair charmer; But now we rail no more at unkind Fate. We have you with us; you're no false alarmer; And for your second birth our praise goes rippling To Rudyard Kipling The Comeback Cook—I'm lavin’ yez. Mistress—Why do you servants change places so often, Bridget? “*Tain’t us that change places. It’s yez that change help!” Ought to Suit “T want a light smok “Here are some cigarettes with cork tips,’”’ suggested the salesgirl, helpfully. Poetic justice! The nomad in him was glad of his A Friendship Squashed By Wa. S. WINKS meets Beetlebrow and they are favorably impressed with cach ADKINS other, Their views concerning the League of Nations are about the same. Winks is in favor of better roads. So is Beetlebrow. Amicably they discuss politics, religion, t An admirable man, that Winks,” de- clares Beetlebrow “Lam much impressed by Beetlebrow,” avers Winks. “His views are sound.” Apparently the ties of a friendship are cemented. A day or two later they meet at mar- ket “Buying some summer squash,” re- marks Winks. “ You like summer squash, don’t you?” “No,” replies Bectlebrow, “1 sider it fit “at,” Forever after Winks alludes to Beetle: brow as a numbskull and Beetlebrow de- nounces Winks as a fathead or worse. This is human nature. You can’t alter it. And you will never understand it. don’t con- Oh, Well! Bertie was an aspiring and ambitious author as yet unknown to Fame. The editors sent him very thick replies; thicker than the envelopes he sent them, bloated by their printed rejection slips One night the longed-for thin one came. Bertie took it to his With throbbing heart and trembling fingers he tore open the envelope. It was an overdue bill with “please re- mit” at the end But, anyway, Bertie was not disap pointed — than the sender of the bill was ning to be. room more Looks Just the Same “For heaven's sake! Julia, don’t buy any more new- fangled - break - fast foods. Ican hardly choke this stuff down!” “My poor fom, that’s the traw trim- ming for my new Draen by A. Mac summer hat.” How Tuey Carry IT ON THE WIP IN SPAIN. comicbooks.com