Judge — April 9, 1921 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Got No Invitation—A d Nebraska youth proves it is all a mistake t hell having no fury like a woman cd. They didn’t invite him to the nee at the schoolhouse. So he nailed the windows shut, tied the door from the outside and dropped two skunks into the room. While the boys were busy ppointed restoring several of the girls who had umes with fainted, the stove began to emit v of smoke because a board weightec stones had been put on top of the chim- ney. Next time maybe they'll ask him to the party. —Capper’s Weekly Anything to Oblige—“Would you mind if I read your paper?” asked the brassy traveler. “Not at all, sir, 1 Mr. Grumy Would you feel more natural if | held it and let you read over my shoulder?”— Birmin: Herald. So Like Poor, The Last Word—He was an all- round grouch at the hospital—the treat- ment ‘vas unskilful, the food was rotten, the attendants were uncivil. “As for the bathrooms,” he concluded, they're vile. In the one [ used this morning there was only a tiny bit of soap, and there w 0 back brush.” “Well, you've got a tongue, haven't pped a nurse who overheard you?” si this “Yes, [ have,” he retorted. “But 1 don’t happen to be a contortionist.” kup. Worth More—An impossible person approached the secretary of his club. “Twant yourradvice sir,” he said. “1 have been deliberately insulted by the members. I was sitting in the smok ing room, when Colonel came up to me and said, without preamble: ‘Sir yilars if you L will give you one hundre« will resign your membership in this club.” Now, what ought I to doin the matter?” “It is perfectly obvious * said the relieved secretary, with alacrity. “Hold on for a better offer.” fon Tatler Old Hubby! “Werit witom WERE YOU QUARRELING LAST NiGitT?” “Worn ay DEPARTED HUSBAND. He CAME TO SEE AE AS A GHOST “ Bur WEREN'T YOU GLAD To SEE HIM “WELL, LOOK AT THE TIME HE CAME —Flieg ter (Munich) de Bla ain?” AFTER MIDNIGHT—JUST AS HE DID IN HIS LI evime!” Necessity the Mother of —Indigestion “Pit Ten. ve vat, Jor. Vu YOU RUN AN’ ASK RAW MEAT TO PUT (London S£UTOS The Restless Machine—Kedd—Sce that automobile standing across the street? Greene—Yes, I see it “Notice how it sort of jumps?” Sure; it’s restless. It probably sees some people crossing the street and it wants to get to ’em.”—Vonkers States- man. WWE CAN GET A BITE VE YE A BLACK BYE, AN ME ONE FOR A BIT 0 s t."—Passing Sh Position of Peril—‘ What is the chief requisite for an ideal traffic policeman?” “Well,” answered Mr. Chuggins, “considering the way he has to stand by the hour in the midst of us motorists, I should say that, to start with, he ought to have a charmed life.”—Washington Star. Where Energy Is Lost—Yeast—It is said if the heat and muscular effort ex pended by an average man in a day could be converted into electrical energy it would be sufficient to run a sewing-ma- chine motor for one hundred hours. Crimsonbeak—Then why in thunder can’t the average man crank a flivver more specdily2—Vonkers Statesman Rolling in It—Redd—Black has a lot of “tin,” hasn’t he? Greene—Well, yes; he owns a flivver.— Yonkers Statesman. comicbooks.com