Judge — November 6, 1920 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE WITH THE COLLEGE WITS Questionable Friends One who gives you the last dance on a twenty-dance program. One who drops in your room about twelve bells to tell you in minute detail Disturbing First Roosterp—What’s the matter with Mrs. Henlittle? Second Rooster—Shell shock. Ducks came out of the eggs she was sitting on everything he knows and a good many things he doesn’t. One who lends you a ten-spot and actually expects it back the same week One who looks out for the girl back home. One who asks you over for a social game and takes away every cent you have.—Pennsyleania Punch Bowl. Another Jones First—Very glad to meet you, Mr. Jones. Funny we never met before up here. You're the Jones that sang on the Glee Club, I presume? Second—No, I'm not gifted musically; don’t like it, in fact First—Let’s see, there are so many Joneses; maybe I can place you. Hockey? Second—No, I'm not an athlete. First—Debating? Second—No. First—Were you the Jones on the honor roll? Second—Not on your life. Fi y, do you do anything at all? Second—Nothing. First—Marvelous. year.—Yale Record. Let's room together next No Ticket Necessary Boss—Don't you know that this is a private How much did you pay the office boy to let you in? Job Wanter—1 got in free of charge, sir. It says * No Admis- sion” on the door.—Cornell Widow. Tuat’s Wutre My Moxey Gore Things A Nice, a Dark, a Night; A 1, a To, a Love And if things go just right— A Bill, a Coo, a Dove. A Bab, a Ling, a Brook; A Bench, a Woods, a Moon; And then there is, ob, look! A Nice, a Long. a Spoon. —Pennsyleania Punch Borel. Candor There was once a verdant young frosh Who took a maid to a dance in Oshkosh. When he said, “Won't you gimme “A look at the shimmy?” She replied, “I can’t sir, it’s in the wash.”” Michigan Gargoyle. Natural History “Heavens, no, Horace, all the flies that fly around the dairy are not butterflies. : —Pennsyleania Punch Bowl. Touching \t first she touches up her hair To see if it’s in place, And then, with manner debonair, She touches up her face. A touch of curls behind her ear, A touch of cuffs and collars, And then she’s off to Daddy dear, To touch him for ten dollars. —Pennsylrania Punch Bowl. Sad, but True Buddie—Have you smoking? Ferdie—Yey Buddie—Why? Ferdie—It’s getting to be so darned effeminate.— Pitt Panther. stopped worn off. Silas—Wext, I see my son Himast HAS BEEN FOOLING ME THE LAST FOUR YEARS. He SAID THEM CO-EDS WAS UNGAINLY AND HOMELY, BUT I FIND EM RIGHT SMART AND WELL ROUNDED.—Pennsyloania Punch Bowl 2 Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Ils Ne Passeront Pas Chorus girls are like students—they are all right as long as they look pretty and say nothing, but when you give them a ten-minute quiz they seldom pass.—Pennsyl- tania Punch Bowl. The End of the Race They sat alone in the moonlight, And she soothed his troubled brow, “Dearest, I know my life’s been fast, But I'm on my last lap now.” —Princeton Tiger. How About It? Have you ever Asked your girl to a show And told her you had to Get seats in the balcony, because All the rest of the house was sold out? And then when you got there you found The orchestra was only half filled and You and she were alone in the balcony. Eb? ennsyleania Punch Bowl. A Chaser Too Late A sturdy old granger named Quayle, Of cider imbibed a full puayle; He cranked up his flivver And drove straight in the river, Where he drowned, and thus ended the tuayle. Syracuse Orange Peel. Second Thought I see her on the beach. Her beauty my eyesight dims. She surely is a peach— She has such pretty—arms! Cornell Widow. Sandy Hook Upon the beach she held my hand. I let my soul-felt pleadings flow; I coaxed, I begged, I swore, but yet— That doggone crab would not let go. —Pennsyleania Punch Bout. comicbooks.com