Judge — October 16, 1920 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SAL Z Vv Drawn by Ganonnn (0, Res Spoon Mx. Sautu’s Rict Aust Marta Is Ursraies Suicutty Ixpisrosep Babies By Croven McQuix~ R. GRAY, pufling a cigar, was making a smoke- screen between himself and the devastated din- ble. Mrs. Gray sighed. ’s the heavy weight on your chest?” in- quired Mr. Gray, just as she knew he would. In fact she had planned on his asking. When one has been married indefinitely, one can count pretty certainly on what will be said and done under given circumstances. So Mrs. y hed again a little more animatedly, and without mak- ing direct answer, launched forth on the news she had been ing, till this auspicious moment, to tell. “T've been so busy today. The club president called me up this morning and asked me to make a little talk, and present the spoon to the new baby in our club. It threw me into an awful panic. I confess I like to talk, but I don’t like to do it I said ‘for goodness’ sake, what shall I talk about?’ id, ‘About five minutes.’ Now what could anybody say about five minutes? But she didn’t mean that, she meant I was to talk for five minutes about spoons and babies and things.” “So,” remarked Mr. Gr she evidently knows your talk- ing ability and sets a time limit.” “Now, James, don’t get nasty. I’ve been working on my speech all day; and I want to read it to you and sce if you think it will do.” Mrs. y unrolled a yard or so of penciled ript. “Please listen closely, and be prepared to criti- In her best public-speaking voice Mrs. Gray began to he baby is the oldest and most used subject which the human race discusses. It is fully guar- anteed to last forever. Babies won't wear out, tear out, rip, rust, nor ravel; and they won't shrink in the wash, though some mothers seem to fear they might. They are found equally among the rich and poor, the and foolish. A certain California lady called her baby Geranium, because everybody has them. And spoons are one of the most necessary accessories of baby equipment. Spoons and babies just naturally belong together. When you think of spoons you are reminded of spooning; spooning suggests an en, nfent; an engagement leads to a wedding; after the wedding comes the cozy home; and what is home without a baby? The baby needs a spoon; he clings to the spoon till, in time, it suggests spooning; and spooning suggests am - “Hold on,” interrupted Mr. Gray, “you've been over that once.” “You shouldn’t interrupt me,”’ Mrs. Gray protested without looking up, “that'll sound all right when I've finished. Now I've lost my place. yes, ‘Spooning suggests an engage. nd there you are, started ‘round the circle again.’ Now isn’t that all right?” apologized Mr. Gray. “I thought you had gone ‘round that circle till you'd got too dizzy to stop.” “But aside from sentiment,” continued Mr poons nd babies are about the most important and necessary things the world. When people are first married they slide along the path of matrimony like it was greased; but sooner or later both begin to assume a little authority here and there, a little inclination to dictate now and then; and they each begin to wonder who is going to be boss. About that time the baby comes along and in just about five minutes he has demonstrated who is going to be bos Babies have done that since time began. The great Themistocles said, ‘My infant son is the greatest man in Greece, for,’ said he, ‘the Athenians command Greece, I command the Athenians, my wife com- mands me and he commands my wif . who is this fellow, Themistocles ? I don’t ing his name in the war news? vou would, seeing he’s been dead recall se “Tisn’t likely a thousand years or so.”” “Tf he’s as dead as that how do you know what he said? “T don’t, neither does anyone else. That's why it’s safe to say it. They'll all think I'm fami comicbooks.com